Some More Things I Don't Like About My New Job

Just to be clear, I actually really really like my new job. It's the jargon that is driving me crazy. For example, today I got this in an email: "Seems like a great opportunity for onboarding." Is that a word? It's not defined at dictionary.com. Oh wait, here it is.

This need to create new words to replace other, equally efficient, words is super-irritating. And just how pervasive is it? Well, today an Efficiency Contest was announced in the office where I work. the purpose of this contest? "The (blank) committee wants to develop a word or short phrase that we can use within our department that indicates something may be inefficient. This is something that we would be all comfortable saying to one another and would indicate, we may need to stop and rethink something." Some proposed examples are, "Time Out, E-9, Pause, Pause Check, E-check," et al.

So basically this is a contest to find a safe word to stop inefficiencies which is itelf totally inefficient since the obvious answer is that we all just agree to say, "This seems inefficient?" or "Is this the most efficient way to do this?"

At some point, I assume I will just get a little callous on my forehead and then it won't bleed anymore when I bang it on my desk, right?

Just to Be Clear

I in no way shape or form endorse anything Grover Norquist says or does, even stopping at red lights. I feel so yucky now.

A Proud Parent

My five year-old, who wants to learn to read and write, wrote, "POOP PEE FArT" last night. We are SO proud of him.

Last night I was behind a car which had been purchased at Karl Malone Toyota Subaru. I recall that Scotty Pippen had a few car dealerships as well. Why do basketball players have car dealerships? Or is it athletes generally? And how are they weathering the economic downturn relative to other dealerships, many of which seem to be folding right now? These are the things I worry about in these difficult times.

I like this Scientology PAC idea, as it makes Grover Norquist seem almost reasonable. Okay, not really. Geez, saying anything vaguely positive about Norquist definitely just put my enneagrams in a state of flux.

O.P.P.

MIL: Here's a link, but the highlights:

O is for Other, P is for People scratchin' temple
The last P...well...that's not that simple
It's sorta like another way to call a cat a kitten 

As for the ladies, OPP means something gifted 

The first two letters are the same the last is something different 

Its the longest, loveliest, lean -- I call it the leanest 

It's another five letter word rhymin' with cleanest and meanest

My Guys

Here's a picture I took of my world class mushroom hunters on our hike today. You can read about the hike at Fungus Everything.

Another Not So Good Thing About My Job

Someone used the word "impactful" twice in a conversation with me. I may have visibly flinched the first time.

UPDATED: People use the word "prework" a lot. It means, I think, reading in preparation for a meeting. It's irritating.

Sad

I actually put on a To Do list today: "Integrate To Do lists".

A Not So Great Thing About the Job

The insane proliferation of acronyms.

One department actually proposed changing the name of something so that its acronym would be OPP. I literally burst out laughing. I had to explain the other group participants that that acronym was NOT okay unless you wanted everyone between the ages of 29 and 40 to fall off their chairs giggling every time the program was mentioneed.

Another Great Thing About This Job

The bus ride from L's preschool to work this morning took 11 minutes. Yes, ELEVEN.

Best Things About My New Job, So Far

I started my new job today, and since I don't have any actual work yet, I thought I would let you know about some of the awesome features that I have discovered here at HQ. Most of them are facets of the building itself, which was built in the 196os for Blue Cross.

First of all, the mailroom and kitchen are together in one room. The "mailroom" is actually a vertical conveyer. You put your mail in a basket and put it on a tray in the wall, push a button and it is gently guided onto the conveyer. The default is for all mail to travel down to the basement but you can select other floors. When mail comes to our floor, it appears in a separate window, having been lifted from the conveyer by an invisible arm, and then is given a gentle shove so that it slides down an inclined metal table. Beautiful. I can't wait to use it. Because the building has only ever been used by sole tenants/occupants, they've kept this system operational. As close to a pneumatic tube system I suspect I will ever see.

Next: the stalls in the women's bathroom are a beautifully bright shade of orange. Just a really drenched color. And the bathroom is literally just around the corner from my office, so its nothing to just pop in there whenever I went. But since its around a corner, I don't have to see other people coming and going.

Next: there's a white porcelain water fountain (or "bubbler") about 20 steps from my office. It works. I doubt anyone uses it though because its down a hallway where no one seems to walk (IT is bend the wall across from it, so its all closed up). I can use that hallway to go to the elevators without anyone seeing me.

Finally, the cafeteria here is insanely cheap. Hamburger and fries: $2.95. Executive's Brunch (2 eggs, bacon or sausage, home fries, fruit, coffee): $3.75. One egg, cooked: 80 cents. Come over any time and I will take you to lunch.

And it's only 1:35!

Only In the East Bay, Part 2

I don't know how I neglected to post THIS one, too. That's right, Shuuuuuuunnnnn The Nonbeliever!!

St. Scobie

Here's the link to my original explanation of the title of the blog. Joshua Scobie also had a prosthetic nose. Scobie was also the name of our cat for a very long time. Hope that helps, Allison.

Only In the East Bay, Baby

Happy Day, Ladies and the men who love us.

Just because

I haven't mentioned lately how much I love Michelle Obama. That dress is so awesome. 

St. Scobie's Mock Brackets III (or is it IV?)

The NCAA College Basketball Championship is rearing its ugly, exploitative head again. That means its time to derive some meaningless entertainment from faux gambling on the athletic exploits of young men we don't know. That's right, St. Scobie's Mock Brackets is back for the third, or possibly fourth, time. I can't remember which. Prior year's contestants have already gotten your invitations; if you want in, shoot me an email or leave me a comment. Picks don't start until March 15. I will remind you before then, but I will be out of town next weekend, so now's the time to get started.

And because I am too lazy to start a new post about this: My job. You have ten seconds to follow these directions and then this computer will self-destruct. Sadly, not that exciting. I got a job as the Northern California coordinator for a national coalition of unions who represent workers at Kaiser Permanente. A little too complicated to explain, without being interesting enough to stick with me for the explanation. I am excited about it, though. 

Okay, let's play ball!

And In Other News

I got a job. It's hard to tell at this point whether this means I will blog more or less frequently. I am super happy and relieved to have a job, both for economic reasons and for staying-home-is-boring reasons. And I think my job will be interesting and challenging without being insanely difficult or out of my league or anything. 

I updated Fungus Everything. Carl has a recipe for Tortilla Dulce at gringosenica. I am going to try to make it in the next day or two. I will let you know how it goes.

Anyway, just updating you then. Carry on.

Let It Snow

We headed up to Tahoe this weekend with friends of ours. There was snow. This is of little consequence to me because I don't ski but the rest of the family was very happy about it. Q and I made a snowman and a snowbaby. I show them here with Q and our friend's son for perspective.

Incredibly Reassuring

Top 25 Most Influential Bands

I tried to make a list of the most influential albums in my life, but I'm too busy today to research the specific albums. And some of these bands didn't have albums, so here you go, in chronological order:

1. The Band

2. Earth, Wind & Fire

3. Bruce Springsteen: Born in the USA 

4. Soul II Soul

5. Living Colour

6. Sade

7. Huey Lewis & the News 

8. INXS

9. REM

10. De La Soul: 3 Feet High and Rising

11. Colors Soundtrack

12. U2

13. Dag Nasty: Wig Out At Denko's

14. Fugazi

15. Tribe Called Quest

16. Native Nod

17. Choke

18. Tsunami

19. Shudder to Think

20. Ting

21. Team Dresch: Personal Best

22. Missy Elliott

23. Sleater-Kinney

24.  Black Star/Mos Def

25. Outkast

This hardly seems to cover it, now that I've made the list. Where's Nation of Ulysses, Slint, Codeine? Everything Calvin Johnson has ever done? The Shams, Dave Clark 5, The Monkees!? Lois/Courtney Love (the band), Mary Lou Lords, Heavenly/Marine Research? Jane's Addiction, The Smiths. ALLEN CLAPP! Simon and Garfunkel, definitely huge, especially Simon. Dog-Faced Hermans, Sufjan Stevens. The Minutemen, Sebadoh, Sonic Youth. Flaming Lips, Bikini Kill. Toulouse. Auto-Voles. 

Okay, I am going to revisit this, and re-organize it by stages of my life. 

Totally Inexplicable

Can someone please tell me what this blog post says? I don't have time this minute to re-post the photo, so you just need to go see it and then someone come back here and explain what is going on. Thanks.

Crimefighter Update 1

Every house on the street, plus all the houses on the street perpendicular to ours, have received my wack little flyer, both under their doormat and via email, if they are on our street listserv. Here's the tally of reactions:

Number of flyers posted in cars, including mine: 2

Number of calls from neighbors with questions, including the guy who was angry that the can men steal his recycling and that another neighbor called the police because his van was perpetually full of hoarded recycling: 1

Number of run-ins with bemused neighbors who are quasi-thankful for my efforts: 5

More updates as events warrant.

Taking A Bite Out of Crime

For almost as long as I have lived on this street, there has been a wierd phenomenon where cars that were left unlocked were rifled through. Money was taken, and sometimes stuff. I always figured that for a savvy homeless person or something. I figured that if you didn't lock your doors, you expected this to happen, and it did. On other occasions, crap has gone missing from front yards on our street, but the stuff that gets taken strongly suggests art students doing a crap harvest for some final project. 

Lately however, better stuff is getting taken, and its also being taken via smashed car window. Also, a neighbor's car was stolen. This is making a lot of people on my street very angry/annoyed, and has resulted in many email exchanges, although none, as far as I know, with the thieves. What to do about all this? has been answered many times, occasionally, but not often enough, in jest. One guy helpfully installed a video camera focussed on his driveway, and caught footage of a man looking in car windows with a flashlight while a Mercedes slowly traveled along. This was also witnessed by a guy who must be something of a night owl, because both times, it was 3:30 a.m. 

Other folks have expressed interest in a night watch, but not enough people have expressed interest to staff more than one night's shifts. Several people have done extensive research into the costs associated with hiring a private security company to patrol our street. IN ROCKRIDGE. $5000 a month is a number that has been bandied about. I know the value of my neighbor's Honda Civic was less than that. 

My response was classic Dre. I made a flyer, and passed it out to all the neighbors to put inside their car windows. It says:

WE ARE WATCHING. We have video recording you and your car, and have established a neighborhood watch to monitor your actions on this street. The police have been notified, and are working with us to stop further thefts. You are being watched and videotaped, and we will assist in the prosecution of any crimes committed in our neighborhood.

ESTAMOS MIRANDO. Tenemos grabación y video de usted y su coche, y hemos establecido un reloj de vecindad para supervisar sus acciones en esta calle. La policía ha sido notificada, y están trabajando con nosotros para poner fin a más robos. Se le ha visto y grabado en vídeo, y vamos a ayudar en el enjuiciamiento de todos los crímenes cometidos en nuestro vecindario.

I have handed out about 80 flyers and sent it to every neighbor on our listserv. Another 40 drop tomorrow. I will let you know how it goes. And don't worry, old friends, I will continue to remain vigilant against the Alpha Delt fraternity, lest they dare hold a party in this neighborhood. . .

I Am Very Busy Being Unemployed, Thanks

My absence from this page is due not to any actual busy-ness on my part. However, my mom visited last week, and my computer is in the room where she stayed, and the kids are drawn to her like little fireflies at all times, so I couldn't really sit down and think much. It was great to have her, especially to celebrate my 35th birthday, which was largely uneventful. 

I did make the mistake of looking at this book, The Book of Ages, in a bookstore. This book has a list of all the important things that have happened when various famous people were a certain age. By age 35, many famous people had done many important things, and some of them were listed at "35" only because they had died at that age. Merriwether Clark committed suicide at age 35, for example. Van Gogh cut his ear off. These are things for which people are remembered, and so of course I had an existential mini-crisis about how I haven't done anything for which I can be remembered, and don't even seem on track to do, unless one of my kids turns out horribly terribly wrong and I have to sit behind him for a 6-month televised trial. 

Can't dwell on it though.

Other stuff: I have interviewed for one job FIVE times, with 10 different people. Hopefully I will hear about that this week, in which case I will be able to step up my car purchasing. That is to say, if I get the job offer, I will accept it, and then we will need a reliable car for my job-related use, and our family's comfort. Currently, we all wedge ourselves into a two-door 1997 Honda Civic that has no radio and no leg room. Its awful. So what car to get preoccupies me. As I have said before, I want the VW Jetta Sportwagon TDI (it's a clean diesel engine). Mr. Scobie alternately prefers a Prius (for the internal space) or something with 4 Wheel Drive and a third row, because of all of the trips to Tahoe we will no doubt soon be taking with all of our kids' friends piled in the back.  A friend has suggested the Honda Civic GX, which would require installing a Natural Gas pump in our garage. Since I have this kind of time on my hands, I have not only considered it, but I have read up on starting a Natural Gas filling station franchise.  JOB NEEDED.

Because its unlikely I will write another post immediately after this one, I will go on. The other new thing I am into is Kiva, which is an on-line community/non-profit organization that does micro-lending. I had heard about it awhile ago, and then read an endorsement from that incredibly hot African economist who Deborah Solomon interviewed in the NYT Mag yesterday. Wow, is she awesome or what? Probably not even 35.  Anyhoo, so then I went and checked out Kiva, and made one $25 loan. Loans go fast; apparently its competitive to make a loan because so many more people are interested in lending than groups can get loan recipients connected. Anyway it seems cool. Check it out. 

Finally, did anyone else read this "cautionary tale" in the NYT yesterday about how Japanese frugalness during their recession contributed to the economic malaise they suffered in the 1990s and still depresses growth? (or something. I am not totally comfortable with all these terms myself). What struck me was how all the of the things which are "bad habits" of the depression are actually sound environmental measures. Using gray water, driving less, drinking less, eating all the available food rather than throwing it out? Let me just say that is fucked up that those things would be discouraged in order for there to be an economic recovery.  Our reckless and wasteful lifestyle may be an "economic engine" but it surely means that we can only get through another couple of economic cycles before we are at a environmental end-times scenario. It seems like these things should not be irreconcilable. There must be ways to make money from re-couping gray water, for example. 

That's what's going on with me these days? How are you? Oh, and check out my cousin Zoe and the review of her dance company in the Boston Globe.

My Rare Attempt at Fashion Criticism

For two long weeks during my childhood, I wanted to be a fashion designer. Anyone who knows how I dress knows that I got that out of my system pretty completely. But I was so inspired by the TV show Rags to Riches, where a millionaire adopts five wacky girls, that I actually busted out my colored pencils for the first and last time in my life. It seems like they were always making their own clothes. One of the girls on the show wore clothes of her own design, and a very tight blonde ponytail. Another wore a terrible side ponytail. All of their, and my, designs involved bandeaus, and poodle skirts with peddle pushers underneath. But they, and I, may have also designed the dress Angelina Jolie wore to the BAFTA awards. If we didn't, then whoever did is seriously channeling Rags to Riches.

Meredith, help me out here. Am I wrong about this?

Overheard

Overheard one woman saying to another in the locker room at the gym: 

"They need to vote on this stimulus bill! Don't they know the polar ice caps is melting!?"

Wrong Answer

A sub-plot of the whole stimulus debate today concerns a staffer for Eric Cantor circulating a video that satirizes AFSCME, a labor union that has worked hard to push for the stimulus package. He did this, I guess, to undermine AFSCME. I put the video on this blog a while ago. I fail to see how a comic video accomplishes this goal, but whatever. (Here's a NYT piece about this drama).

This is about AFSCME President Gerald McEntee's response. Specifically he said, "Eric Cantor may think the greatest economic crisis in seventy years is a joke, but we don't. He should talk to the people in Virginia who are losing their jobs, health care and homes."

Now, that's a legitimate response, and true. But McEntee would have been better just going to the video. He should have said, "Hey, Cantor, we do take out the fucking garbage. We clean the streets, coach little league, file library books, give vaccinations, give driving tests, issue death certificates and put out your fucking fires. And unless you want those basic services to stop, you should support this fucking bill, asshole. Otherwise, local governments will just fold up shop, and your constituents will start asking you why the trash hasn't been removed." 

Just once I wish someone would just call the bluff of these Republicans and say, "Yes, we do all the work. No, a twenty-three year old banker should not make more than the President of the United States." It's really time for some good old-fashioned populism. McEntee's a brawler, he should act like one.

Allison

Most of my readers are friends and family who know one another, so a couple of people have asked about the new commenter Allison. By way of introduction, Allison and I went to high school together, at which time she went by Claire. I don't know why, other than there were literally 5 Allisons in our class of just 55 girls. There were also 3 Karas. I think Allison would agree with me when I say I have almost no memory of having any class with Allison/Claire or engaging in any social activity with Allison/Claire.  I should say, Allison/Claire has no knowledge of my memory; she probably would attest to the underlying truth of that statement. So yeah, its a little wierd that Allison's a regular commenter on my blog. Also, we diverge on certain topics which are dear to me, so that makes her an even less likely regular. That said, I really appreciate that Allison comments on my blog at all, along with Anonymous the Neighbor, Anonymous the Cousin, my sister, and my mother in law.  Bloggers LOVE comments. It fuels the enterprise (at least, on blogs that don't take advertising). So if you have even the slightest reaction to something I write, please share it. And then jump over to gringosenica so that Carl and Angie know that the gringos en America are following along with their adventures. Thanks!

Annoying

According to a reliable source (my husband), these little jammies have been recalled. We've had at least a half dozen of these little fish since our first son was born, and I just tossed out two of them that were in the tub. 

Normally, I just live with, as Peggy Orenstein calls it, "the toxic paradox." I don't think I would sleep at night worrying about all the stuff that could be poisoning us. But then, every time you turn around, a new little piece of junk has been recalled. It's all stuff you were looking for a reason to throw away, so its galling to be told that the crap was causing you harm the whole time it was lingering in your atmosphere anyway.

What's Up With Me

If you wander over to Fungus Everything, you can find out more about how we spent our weekend. This is the best picture I got of my homies. Our camera sucks. Add to that, every time I pull the camera out, my kids bum-rush me to look at the pictures I haven't taken yet. 

Oakland Grody

For some reason, I decided to trek* around Lake Merritt today. Lake Merritt is a natural estuary that works like a bladder for the San Francisco Bay, meaning that its job is to clean the gross stuff out of the bay and send the water back out into the world cleaner than it entered. No matter how hard Oakland boosters try to defend this "lake", the fact remains that it is gross, a little smelly, and the surrounding area is covered in goose poop and meandering homeless/junkie-type people (not inherently the lake's fault). The grodiness of it today was heightened by the guy who was jogging with a quart of Half and Half in one hand. So, not going back to trek around Lake Merritt again any time soon.

* I use "trek" here to mean "try running, but ultimately just walking fast"

Bay Area BS

It's been awhile since I ragged on my region, but the bad weather in the rest of country made me feel like I should remind my friends why they don't live here. People are crazy, is why. The balmy weather makes these people barely tolerable. Four examples:

1. I was at Target today, which has mechanism that runs between the escalators to bring your shopping cart to the second floor. Handy. Two GENIUSES had put their carts on the cart-scalator with their babies still in the child seat. And I mean babies. Like twin eight-month olds. The store staff were yelling at these two women, and another woman and I were so surprised, we were literally standing there with our mouths open. The signage is clear, in English, Spanish and illiterate (a picture of someone doing this with a red circle and bar across it). 

I realize that this is just universal stupid, not Bay Area-special brand of dumb.

2. My next example will be in the form of a short poem:

If its yellow

let it mellow

doesn't apply

at the Y

3. My sister reports seeing, during a recent trip to SF, graffiti from the window of the train that read, "Ira Glass." Now either Ira has a really ill-conceived viral marketing plan or liberals now tag West Oakland. I can't say. Neither is a good idea.

4. People in Berkeley have a tendency to turn everything into a Free Speech zone. Or rather, the whole town is a Free Speech zone and you have no right to be free from other people's speech, even where it might endanger your life. For example, there is a particular overpass on Highway 80 in Berkeley which is particularly attractive to people with "something to say". Here's a picture of it. It's dangerous to protest or whatever up there, because drivers slow or stop and look up to read your dumb-ass sign, rather than minding their business on the road. If you scroll down on that page I linked to, you will see a hideous statue which was recently added at one end of the overpass. It's huge, and, let me say again, hideous. And very distracting even when there aren't people with Free Mumia signs up there. But what's interesting to me is that the figures in the statue are holding empty signs that are not just blank, they're empty. EXACTLY.

So, snowed-in Midwesterners, freezing New Yorkers and DCites-who-are annoyed-to-be-called out-by-Obama-for-a-snow-day-when-he-has-the-Oval-Office-temp-at-like-72, revel in the common sense of your neighbors, and enjoy the seasons while you still have them.

Some Good Finds For You

I came across a few things I thought might interest you. First, John Legend caught Barack Obama admitting to Beyonce that he knows a little bit of the "Single Ladies" dance, although, he says, "I didn't do like Justin and put the whole outfit on." Compare this to Bush (42) not knowing what a grocery scanner was . . .

Second, Mos Def has a new single for free download, ahead of new album in February.  I can't say I'm enamored of it but I will give it a few more listens because its Mos Def.

Finally, some news you can use. There are 153 calories in a bottle or can of regular beer. There are 25 calories in an ounce of red wine. Granted, no one drinks one ounce of red wine. It's not possible. But a regular glass is about 3 ounces. So I am adding a late New Years' resolution: less beer, more red wine. 

Pope Benedict Is Spoiling for A Fight

In a rare turn, Pope Benedict makes news twice this week with belligerent words and deeds that seem intended to start a fight with somebody. Who that is, isn't clear, though. First of all, the Holy See is p.o.'ed at Obama for repealing the ban on funding family planning. Time Magazine reports: Vatican Slams Obama Over Abortion. I just cannot imagine that Obama gives a rat's ass. (sorry for the language, mother in law). I can sort of imagine Obama thinking, "Oh, you're mad at me? Well, let me tell you Father, I won."

And in other, more schismatic news, Il papa reinstated four excommunicated priests, all of them very very conservative, and at least one is a Holocaust denier. While this may be intended to infuriate liberal Catholics, I think it will actually land with a resound thud. Most of us liberal Catholics think the Church is so batshit crazy that we've stopped noticing the Church's efforts to roll back modernity. You want Latin mass? Go for it, I won't be at church this Sunday anyway.

WTF: Children's Apparel Edition

Li is having a major growth spurt. This is less of a problem in the daywear component of his wardrobe, as we've managed to keep only slightly behind his size as he's stretched out. But for some reason, he's wearing a size 4 pajamas when he should be in a size 6. So while I was already on Amazon looking at mushroom books, I thought I would check out what they have for boys' PJs. Strangely, a majority of the items available in Boys Sleepwear are ROBES. Whu? How many little boys out there are cinching up a robe each morning before they saunter out of their beds for a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios? I can think of almost nothing less plausible than a five year old in a bathrobe.

Still Got (Almost) Nothing

This weekend was a blur of parenting because Mr. Scobie has a trial coming up. These days, though, the kids are easily placated by treks through mud in search of fungus. As you may know from the Fungus Everything post yesterday, we did an organized hike with a mycologist on Saturday. Yesterday, we hiked through Redwood, and saw not only many awesome new fungi, but also literally hundreds of thousands of ladybugs that "overwinter" in the Park. Here are some photos: 

It would be creepy, except they are all ladybugs, and they don't fly very fast or care very much about the people watching them. Very cool. If you want to see them, let me know and I will hike down there with you some day this week.

I Don't Have Much

I posted over at Fungus Everything today, but can't really think of much to say here. Enjoy.

The Right Job for Me

Deciding to leave my law firm was a big decision, because it was more a career choice than a job choice. The place I worked was great: interesting clients and co-workers, feel-good area of law, flexible, family-friendly, all that. I just didn't want to be a labor lawyer anymore. And I left the firm before knowing what it is I want to do because I felt like working there didn't give me the "space" to figure out the answer to that question. Well, now I've got nothing but "space". Here are some career choices I am mulling, and a few I am not:

Not Mulling:

1. Mom, Stay-at-Home: This is among the most boring/hard jobs out there. Children are extremely hard to rear, as some of you can attest. And like a "real" job, it leaves you no time to do anything but raise children. At least at an office job, you can shower in preparation therefor. You can take a walk around the office, get a Snickers bar, stop at the mailroom to check your box, and also surf the internet unlimitedly (if you have that kind of job). When you are home with kids, there are no showers, no Snickers bars, no mail, no internet. Blech. Not for me.

2. Blogger, Full-time: As I said the other day, when you don't have to sit at a computer all day, there's nothing that makes you want to sit at a computer all day. 

3. Lawyer: Blogger, Full-time. 

4. Truck Driver, Long Haul: Similar to 1, except you have to be away from your kids ALL the time. 

Mulling: 

1. Bounty Hunter: Classes are forming now. I think I would be a pretty good bounty hunter. Only unlike men named The Dawg, I would talk people into turning themselves in. As long as they will stay on the phone with me.

2. Consultant: I am researching what this actually is. But I think it would be perfect for me. 

So far, that's all. I am open to further suggestions. Any ideas?

Happy Inauguration Day!

When you say that to someone, they look confused, and then happy. It's funny. And what a great one it's been so far. Except for Kennedy's seizure, of course. And the global warming induced temperature here in Oakland (perfect 72 degrees, as opposed to the sub-perfect 52 degrees it should be). I would have liked to have live-blogged the inauguration but there were too many little people climbing me. But, my thoughts:

1. Flubbing the inaugural oath was good and bad. Good because I think I flubbed my wedding vows, and things have worked out so far. He was nervous, which few of us have ever seen before. It turns out that it was Justice Roberts' fault, but Obama smiled through it. The man screams aplomb, if aplomb can be screamed. It's bad because right-wing nuts will claim that he didn't actually take the oath and therefore isn't president or isn't bound to uphold the Constitution. Etc etc. Well, they can waste their energy on that, since it prevents them participating in a meaningful way in the public discourse.

2. I really like Elizabeth Alexander's inaugural poem. I took a class from her in college, liked her a lot personally and thought that was one of her better works. I mean, I like her other stuff too, but this one was really moving.

3. And the inaugural speech, like so many of Obama's speech, is even better read. I think it will stand the test of time, and we will look back on it and say, Yes, that's what we were going to do, and we did it (I hope). High school civics classes (do they still have those?) will be teaching this for a long time.

The above-picture was taken at the corners of Bush and Kearney Street in San Francisco this morning. I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.

Weekend in Tahoe

My spies tell me that some among you do not consider a vacation to
include a break from blogging. Fair enough. Unfortunately there's
nothing to report but global warming. Its warm (40-50) and dry dry
dry. In 2006, we were rained into our hotel. Weather has definitely
gotten weird here. And with no rain in 3 weeks, we are looking at
another drought year. Hope you can see the picture I am posting; it is
the best part of the trip.

A Great Gift for the Kids

I highly recommend reading the reviews of the Playmobil Security Check Point over at Amazon.

The Family That Blogs Together. . .

Writing a book review, such as it is, reminded me that I have failed to introduce my readership to my sister's blog, Arch Thinking. It's primarily a book blog, with some architecture thrown in. A new addition to the world wide internets is my brother-in-law's and his girlfriend's blog, Gringosenica. They are dispatching from Nicaragua, where they moved Monday. You can tell which ones are Carl's posts. They end with a comma. Just bustin', brother!

Enjoy.

Some Thoughts on DFW

Last month, Jay Wex asked whether he should re-read Infinite Jest.* After I read that post, I thought about re-reading Infinite Jest too, but then remembered that I no longer have the attention span to finish The Cat in The Hat, much less IJ. 

Instead, I decided to re-read the essay A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, about David Foster Wallace's trip aboard a luxury cruise ship. First off, its a hilarious essay. But it's impossible to read without the gloss of DFW's suicide. The essay opens recounting a suicide that had recently occurred on another ship. A young man throws himself overboard. These cruise ships are as tall as skyscrapers, and the young man is killed. DFW talks a lot about mortality and infantilization in this essay. He thinks people go on these cruises to be completely pampered - babied - because they feel "death-creep". In order to fight death, they seek retreat to an infant state. DFW is clearly freaked out by it. It's as though he understands the only way to fight this death creep is to surrender to it; throwing oneself overboard is a perfectly natural reaction in his mind to the hyper-present mortality being frantically kept at bay on the cruise.  

The story it most reminded me of is A Perfect Day for Bananafish, the Salinger story where Seymour Glass kills himself. DFW is so much like Glass. In A Supposedly Fun Thing, he describes the same sort of reverse paranoia that Glass describes: he suspects people are conspiring to make him happy.  This is exactly what the cruise personnel are charged with doing, anticipating his every need, catering to it before he knows he has it. For Wallace, as for Glass, the only way to get away from this maniacal world in which everyone conspires to make you happy is to throw yourself overboard or walk into the ocean.

Its obviously very easy to diagnose that suicide was the likely path for DFW after he's already killed himself. What is so striking about this essay is how pre-occupied he was with it, and how closely it does mirror JD Salinger's character. Maybe I will build up to reading Infinite Jest by re-reading some Salinger first.

* An aside about Jay Wexler: I am extremely jealous of his excellent blog. He write funny stuff every day and lots of very smart people read it. People who read my blog are also very smart (I can vouch for them, you, personally) but there aren't very many of them. I think he has more readers because he's "famous", and also writes every day, and he guest-blogs, whatever that is. He can do this because he's a law professor. I thought that being unemployed would be like being like a law professor, and that I would write more. But not having a job means I don't have to sit at a computer all day, so now when I have random thoughts, I just think them, and don't type them anywhere. 

Drea's Stimulus Package

In today's column, Paul Krugman notes that Obama is calling for ideas on how to stimulate the economy. Krugman has his advice; I have mine. I thought of this when I became a "fan" of The Young Ones on Facebook today. You see, I am the proud by impotent owner of the full Young Ones VHS set. Impotent because, like many other Americans, I know longer have a working VCR. 

What I need is The Young Ones on DVD, and also on digital download, and also whatever the next "platform" or "medium" is for delivering awesome British comedy. I also need the Decalogue.  Until I receive my share of the Cultural Recovery Funds,  I can only wonder about which of the Ten Commandments is best illustrated in this Polish mini-series by Krzysztof Kieslowski.

In other words, my stimulus proposal is to have the government buy our favorite movies and music in its most current format. This will be targeted towards the individual consumer as well as the music and entertainment industries. The former, in particular, has been in perilous freefall because people no longer buy LPs, cassettes or even CDs.  Some might argue that giving taxpayer dollars to Vyvyan Bastard or a dead Polish director may not be well-spent. But this rescue plan will both reflect the global nature of this economic crisis as well as the need to become more international in our cultural tastes. Plus, I also need Personal Best by Team Dresch (currently have on vinyl) and Super Fly by Missy Elliott (on cassette tape), which spreads the wealth to indie rockers in Portland and hip hop stars in Virginia. 

That's all I ask. It should cost about $142 if purchased on Amazon. Multiply that by the number of adults in the US (223 million, I estimate) and it will only cost $31 billion to implement my idea. This is small potatoes when you consider the kind of cash being thrown at BANKS, who already have money. Anyway, how do you want your Cultural Recovery Funds spent?

Back to Politics: IL-5

(updated at 12:25pm) I heard last week that Tom Geoghegan was considering a run for Rahm Emanuel's seat and chuckled a bit at it. Tom is the author of Which Side Are You On?, which inspired me to become a labor lawyer. I also worked for Tom during law school as a fact checker on his book The Secret Lives of Citizens, which he wrote while practicing law and staging his play Aurora. Aurora is about a labor lawyer torn between love and the movement (or something) and was staged at the Amalgamated Clothing Workers hall in probably 1997. Tom rocks, in his own way.

But you can sort of see why I thought his run for Congress might be a bit quixotic. I am glad to see, however, that Tom is getting lots of great press, which may set him apart from a very crowded field. Tom Frank writes about him today in An Unrepentant New Dealer Runs for Congress, Howie Klein gives him a shout-out at Huffington Post, and Hendrick Hertzberg speaks of him glowingly (comparing him to Obama) on his New Yorker blog. Tom Geoghegan announced his candidacy on Daily Kos yesterday. Joe Trippi writes him up there today (better link here) and Geoghegan has his own op-ed in the NYT today.

It seems like a long shot, but if there's a moment when Tom Geoghegan can do it, this is that moment, when voters want decent men and women to represent them. I don't know anything about the other candidates (I've been out of Chicago for almost 9 years, sadly) but Geoghegan definitely has a great mind and moral core. I hope IL-5 learns that too.

Learn more, and donate or volunteer, at www.geogheganforcongress.com.

My New Year's Resolutions

I haven't gotten around to posting on this for a couple of reasons. First of all, my only resolutions are sort of heavy hitters, about which little can be said. Also, its actually harder to blog when you are ungainfully unemployed, as it turns out there are thousands of things to do when you are not working. So, the resolutions:

1. Get a job;

2. Be more patient, and less angry, with my children.

That's it. And according to Cosmo, I have already messed up on #1. Because, according to Cosmo, you are definitely not supposed to quit your job before you get a new one. You also aren't supposed to resolve to "keep your number down" (i.e. sleep with fewer people) but I might add that resolution to my list just because it would be 100% the easiest resolution I have ever made.

Just to Sum Up

The swearing-in was dominated by one of those guys who speaks for the full two minutes on every topic on the agenda, and its always to rail on some indeterminate cause, usually a procedural nicety that no one on earth cares about. He argued with the newly sworn School Board about whether he was permitted 2 or 3 one minute speaking times in a annual meeting rather than a regular meeting. The fact that the President of the school board bothered to argue with the guy demonstrates either that he is truly uncynical  or explains why the Oakland Unified School District can't find its ass with both hands. (Sorry for the florid speech, mother in law).

Then I went to hear Jon Hiatt, General Counsel to the AFL-CIO and Steven Greenhouse, labor reporter for the NYT, talk about the Employee Free Choice Act. That had its own insane open mic guy; it was a man with a thick accent complaining that unions are not doing enough to keep foreigners from taking American jobs. A real head-scratcher. He lost an already-impatient audience with that one, obviously. 

So a busy first day of unemployment, unlikely to be replicated tomorrow, as I am planning on just going to buy some light bulbs for the kitchen.

Good excuse?

Dellums was at a memorial service.

Sent from my iPhone

Unreal!

No mayor! Dellums is so disrespectful. Its the freaking city inauguration. Its not like he's doing something else.

O-Town Dispatch

Decided to stop by the Oakland City Council swearing-in to see Rebecca Kaplan sworn and generally see the scene. Its in council chambers and there is a keyboardist playing George Michael's Never Gonna Love Agaib really slowly. Rebecca is wearing jeans, undeterred by the moment.

We will see what our mayor has to say today, assuming he can be bothered.

(chirp, chirp)

I guess it isn't cricket season (that being the insect season, rather than the sport) but it has been quiet around here. With the kids around all day, and me at home and basically trying to vacate (staycate?), I haven't had much room to blog. In fact the only vaguely bloggable moments have been Q's awesome turns of phrase, usually shared at 5:30 am. The other day, he said, "My eyes are real but Wee-um's eyes are fake." He confirmed this repeatedly when asked but offered no explanation. In response to B shaving his beard, he said, "Daddy, your voice sound different with no beard." It's like having our own wee Yogi Berra. 

But preschool is back in session, and my unemployment begins tomorrow, so stay tuned for much more blogging unless I am quickly employed by a far less tolerant entity. Happy New Year, 

You'll Laugh, You'll Cry

James Kennedy invents THE parlor game for Oh Nine. Dig it.

Rethinking the Resolution Strategy

I was going to keep a few old resolutions around and see if I could make them happen in the oh-nine, but a concerned reader pointed me in the direction of The Fiber Menace, and now I must re-consider.

Okay, reconsideration complete. This gives hooey a bad name. I am told (by said reader) that this guy is serious, and his claims might have some basis in reality. Here's a book review that lends credence to that view.

I have my own opinions, but I would rather let JFB or Western Swing have at it. No punches to the head or below the waist, gentlemen.

How Did I Do? Plus a Note on Blago

It's that time of year where I review my new year's resolutions for the prior year, and then opine on a public figure. I guess that last part isn't really part of the tradition, but oh well. I just need somewhere to say that Blago sure has balls of steel, huh? Appointing Roland Burris to Obama's seat? Wow, and what's with Burris? How f-ing useless to him is his political legacy? About as useless as Ron Dellums is to him, I guess, given what a shitty mayor he is. But I digress. An interesting side note for my non-Chicago homies: Jesse White will refuse to certify Burris' appointment. Jesse is the IL Secretary of State. Ben Smith makes a possibly unintentional funny in the title of his post, "A Procedural Hurdle". Jesse White is also the founder of the Jesse White Tumblers, a very awesome organization that takes kids from poor neighborhoods in Chicago and trains them to be serious gymnasts, tumblers, acrobats, etc.

Anyway, back to my 2008 resolutions:

1. Floss more
I can't really recall how I did on this. Mostly fine. I had a good report on the situation at my December 8 dental appointment, so I will give myself a point on this one.

2. Figure out what it means to add more fiber to one's diet, without actually eating Uncle Sam cereal
Never did figure this out. Maybe I will re-up this one for 2009

3. "Develop an interest" (This means "hobby", not "lover")
4. Stay politically idealistic in this election cycle until at least South Carolina, possibly all the way until February 6
These two dovetailed nicely. As you can tell from my blog, I just made politics my hobby this year. I volunteered for the Obama campaign in the primary, ran for office from March til June, and then did the Voter Protection stuff for Nevada from July til election day. So I guess I might need to re-up this one. Obsessing about the presidency hardly seems as exciting.

5. Devise a system for organizing all the crap on my desk at home
This never happened. I just got a laptop, so I think I will just get rid of the desk. No idea what I am going to do with all the crap I previously piled up on my desk.

6. Get other adult members of my household to join me in more assiduously disposing of compostables in a receptacle from whence, or within which, composting can occur.
This was very successful, actually. Almost all of our food waste goes into this little green bin than gets dumped into a larger green bin at the curb, which the city/waste management/God then empties. Our trash was cut easily by more than 25%, and once Q is out of diapers, we will be down to 50% of our 2007 trash output. I love Oakland/East Bay. They make some New Year's resolutions so easy to keep.

To Reiterate

In order to understand the following four posts, it helps to read them together HERE. Or completely ignore all of this craziness if you are not a huge Wire fan. Thank you.

In the Port/Schools/Press bracket

Definitely the weakest, and proof that season 5 didn't really bring it.

Randy yelling at Carver beat Frank Sobotka's talk with his brother 4-0
DeLonda yelling at Namond beat reporters "mother of 4" talk 4-0
Frank visits Ziggy in jail beat Dukie's eviction 4-0
parallel cops/teachers trainings beat "evacuate" discussion 3-1
Prez explaining intimacy beat Donut opening the teacher's car door 3-1
Nicky looking through the fence beat Prez/Bubs seeing eachother at school 4-0
Bunny and WeeBay talking beat "not even Greek" scene 3-1
Kids trying to catch pigeon beat DeLonda and WeeBay talking 4-0

Bracket match-ups: Randy yelling v. DeLonda yelling; Frank/Ziggy v. Trainings; Intimacy v. Nicky; Bunny and WeeBay v. the pigeon

The Police Bracket

Strong feelings in this one

Bunk/McNulty "fuck" scene beat Prez rearranging the board 4-0
Ray Cole's detective funeral beat the questioning of suspects who don't speak English 4-0
Omar testifying against Bird beat Cheryl/Burrell at hospital 4-0
McNulty at brothel beat search for shot Kima 3-1
Landsman throwing Bubbles back beat Omar buying a suit 4-0
Lester discovering the bodies in the vacants beat Lester getting Avon's picture 3-1
Bunk/Omar's jail talk beat McNulty putting the floater in city jurisdiction 4-0
Bunny's paperbag lecture beat moving the desk 3-1.

Next round match-ups are: "fuck" scene v. funeral; Omar testifying v. Jimmy at brothel; Landsman v. Lester; "Man's got to have a code" vs. paperbag.

The Hall Bracket

In The Hall bracket:
There are some problems in this bracket, three ties. Please cast some breaking votes, so we can move this bracket forward.

Clay Davis testifying beats Stringer/Levy paying him off 3-1
Narese talking to Clay beats the Royce BJ scene 3-1
Norman's "sanctity of the voting booth" beat Carcetti turning Terry down on election night 3-1
Norman on blacks voting for whites beat Carcetti hiring Terry 3-1
Bunny and the deacon at PJs tied with Carcetti fundraising
Carcetti's visit to the governor tied with Carcetti's homeless speech
Carcetti at funeral tied with his first budget meeting
Clay Davis getting served beat Cutty's election day run 4-0.

The Street Bracket

To make this easier, I will break these out by bracket:

In The Streets bracket:
Wallace gets killed beats Omar brings clock to Joe 3-1
Stringer gets killed beats "fight on that lie" 4-0
Snoop buying nail gun beats Omar buying Cheerios 4-0
Dukie/Cutty talk beats DeAngelo restaurant scene 3-1
Bug, Duke and Michael's farewell beat Stringer/Avon balcony scene 3-1
DeAngelo's chess game beats Bodie/McNulty restaurant scene 3-1
Bodie/McNulty park scene beats Omar shooting Mouzone 3-1
Omar stealing the whole package beats Mr. Nugget 3-1

So you see, there are some very tight match-ups in the next round. Wallace v. Stringer. Snoop v. Dukie/Cutty. Boys' farewell v. The chess game. Bodie and McNulty v. Omar.

It's brutal. Let me know what you think.

The Wire Brackets, Part 2 - For serious Wire fans only

Back in March, deep in the throes of my work unhappiness, I concocted The Wire brackets. Sixty-four of the subjectively chosen best scenes from this show paired up for showdown. I had four voters, including myself. Herewith, the first round results. By the way, I am just getting to this now because Wednesday is my last day of work, and I need to clear ALL the shit off my desk.

In The Streets bracket:
Wallace gets killed beats Omar brings clock to Joe 3-1
Stringer gets killed beats "fight on that lie" 4-0
Snoop buying nail gun beats Omar buying Cheerios 4-0
Dukie/Cutty talk beats DeAngelo restaurant scene 3-1
Bug, Duke and Michael's farewell beat Stringer/Avon balcony scene 3-1
DeAngelo's chess game beats Bodie/McNulty restaurant scene 3-1
Bodie/McNulty park scene beats Omar shooting Mouzone 3-1
Omar stealing the whole package beats Mr. Nugget 3-1

So you see, there are some very tight match-ups in the next round. Wallace v. Stringer. Snoop v. Dukie/Cutty. Boys' farewell v. The chess game. Bodie and McNulty v. Omar.

It's brutal. Let me know what you think

In The Hall bracket:
There are some problems in this bracket, three ties. Please cast some breaking votes, so we can move this bracket forward.

Clay Davis testifying beats Stringer/Levy paying him off 3-1
Narese talking to Clay beats the Royce BJ scene 3-1
Norman's "sanctity of the voting booth" beat Carcetti turning Terry down on election night 3-1
Norman on blacks voting for whites beat Carcetti hiring Terry 3-1
Bunny and the deacon at PJs tied with Carcetti fundraising
Carcetti's visit to the governor tied with Carcetti's homeless speech
Carcetti at funeral tied with his first budget meeting
Clay Davis getting served beat Cutty's election day run 4-0.

In The Police bracket: Strong feelings in this one
Bunk/McNulty "fuck" scene beat Prez rearranging the board 4-0
Ray Cole's detective funeral beat the questioning of suspects who don't speak English 4-0
Omar testifying against Bird beat Cheryl/Burrell at hospital 4-0
McNulty at brothel beat search for shot Kima 3-1
Landsman throwing Bubbles back beat Omar buying a suit 4-0
Lester discovering the bodies in the vacants beat Lester getting Avon's picture 3-1
Bunk/Omar's jail talk beat McNulty putting the floater in city jurisdiction 4-0
Bunny's paperbag lecture beat moving the desk 3-1.

Next round match-ups are: "fuck" scene v. funeral; Omar testifying v. Jimmy at brothel; Landsman v. Lester; "Man's got to have a code" vs. paperbag.

Finally, In the Port/Schools/Press bracket: Definitely the weakest, and proof that season 5 didn't really bring it.

Randy yelling at Carver beat Frank Sobotka's talk with his brother 4-0
DeLonda yelling at Namond beat reporters "mother of 4" talk 4-0
Frank visits Ziggy in jail beat Dukie's eviction 4-0
parallel cops/teachers trainings beat "evacuate" discussion 3-1
Prez explaining intimacy beat Donut opening the teacher's car door 3-1
Nicky looking through the fence beat Prez/Bubs seeing eachother at school 4-0
Bunny and WeeBay talking beat "not even Greek" scene 3-1
Kids trying to catch pigeon beat DeLonda and WeeBay talking 4-0

Bracket matck-ups: Randy yelling v. DeLonda yelling; Frank/Ziggy v. Trainings; Intimacy v. Nicky; Bunny and WeeBay v. the pigeon

I know, not enough Bubs. Not even enough Omar. Certainly not enough of the kids.

Okay, the floor is open.

Some Additional Thoughts about E.T.

1. The John Williams score does not hold up well. It's corny and distracting. The movie would be even scarier and more affecting if the soundtrack were subtle. 

2. I haven't watched ET since probably 1982 because the end scared me so much. I will still near tears (except for the annoying score) for the last 35 minutes.

3. Critics probably said this at the time, but since I was 8 I wasn't hip to it, but the story is so obviously an allegory about the affection that children have for their immigrant caregivers in a world of displaced, unfinished suburban sprawl and a burgeoning divorce rate. Recall that this movie was released the last time that immigration reform was on the horizon, and "aliens" and their roles in the lives of Southern California children would have been pretty salient. Also interesting is that Elliott's father has left their mother and moved to Mexico. The implication being that he's left his family for another woman there. 

4. Hipsters of my era (who are in their 30s now) clearly developed their sense of style from this movie and others of that time. There are aviator glasses, trucker hats, puffy vests on C. Thomas Howell, et cetera. Yup, he's in that movie too. It's funny to me that the style of my contemporaries is based on 14-year olds in a movie released in 1982.

Did You Know?

I have a lot to blog about, but did you know that Michael from ET is a mailman in Phoenix now? How wierd is that?

This is my first blog post on my new MacBook laptop. hoot hoot!

ET is terrifying, by the way, even 26 years later.

What Lurks in the Deep Recesses of My Subconscious

If you ever wonder what sick and twisted things dwell deep in my mind . . .

I had this dream last night that I was playing a Dungeons & Dragons-type video game, and then suddenly I was in the game. The Level 9 villain (in addition to a terrifying, unseen dragon) was Larry (of L, Darryl and Darryl) from The Newhart Show. But before I had to battle him, I went into a room where there was a party. There, in a large serving dish, were about a dozen of those giant frosted shredded wheat things. I woke with a start. (Also Q was yelling from the other room).

Does this make me a sick person?

The Tina Fey-ing Must Stop

When I started my little celebrity look-alike contest, I was joking around, looking for a way to flatter myself by comparing myself to Linda Evangelista, Tina Fey and Isabella Rossellini. I didn't realize that Sarah Palin would make it all go terribly awry. Here's what happened: Sarah Palin came on the scene, and Tina Fey played her to great effect on SNL. You've seen it, I'm sure. Now suddenly everyone knows who Tina Fey is, and my neighbor isn't the only one who notices the resemblance.

But okay, enough. I'm over it.

The other day, I was at The Gap, returning jeans for my rapidly thinning husband. Here's the dialogue with the sales clerk. Actually, it was basically a monologue, so I will skip my "mm-hmmms":

Clerk: Will this be all? You look like someone. Who? Who?
Me: Sarah Palin? Tina Fey?
Clerk: Tina Fey! That's it, you're Tina Fey!
Me: No, I'm not. I just look like her. It's the glasses.
Clerk: And the hair. Why did you get the same haircut as her?
Me: I didn't (drowned out explanation about how we both just have wavy thick hair)
Clerk: Well, you look just like her. You could be her. JESSICA! Come here and look at this lady! It's Tina Fey. (other sales clerk looks over and sort of smiles) PAUL, come up to the register. (Paul comes up) It's Tina Fey. Seriously, isn't it? ("I'm not", I mouth). YOU ARE TINA FEY.
(I swipe my card). Let me see your driver's license. I want to see if you're Tina Fey. (To woman in line behind me) It's Tina Fey! Okay, you're not Tina Fet, but YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HER! That's so crazy. I can't believe I had Tina Fey in here.

I thank her and leave. Wierd, annoying. Then the other day Mr. Scob and I were at a holiday party, and near the end, as we were about to leave, the hostess exclaims, "Oh my God, I meant to show you! Did you see Vanity Fair!? You ARE Tina Fey" She uncharacteristically sprints from the room and returns with the magazine. She opens to a picture of TF looking sexy-ish and says, "MMM, Hmmm, that could be you!" She then goes on a little about how she and her husband had been discussing my Tina Feyness and she'd meant to tell me earlier.

As irked as I am about this, I bet Tina Fey is even more annoyed by the comparisons to Sarah Palin. Wow, irritating. I don't know how Sarah Palin feels about being compared to me all the time; she and I don't talk. But if she's getting nearly as much of the mistaken identity stuff as Tina and I are, I think even feel sorry for her. Hopefully Sarah Palin and I can dissolve back into the woodwork, and let everyone just recognize Tina Fey for who she is. That's all I really want out of this.

Jobs I Don't Want

Here's the description from a recent FEMA job posting:

FEMA employees are subject to 24 hour on-call in the event of any emergency. This service may require irregular work hours, work at locations other than the official duty station, and may include duties other than those specified in the employee's official position description. Travel requirements in support of emergency operations may be extensive in nature (weeks to months), with little advance notice, and may require employees to relocate to emergency sites that require functioning under intense physical and mental stress.

Umm, no thanks.

The New Aesthetic

I decided I liked the look of Fungus Everything more than the St. Scobie's traditional dots. There are some problems, of course. Because I don't know html, I can't resize the video or anything fancy like that. But its clean. Like my new, untethered life.

Beardo

And another thing: Tim Harrington has a tv show on Pitchfork.tv called Beardo. Enjoy episode 4:

Some Small Thoughts

Two more interesting points about education. First, the New Yorker has a fascinating story about employers cannot predict whether teachers, and quarterbacks, will succeed. This is all very much on my mind as we look at kindergartens for Li. (I know, *yawn*). I came across an interesting set of numbers in my search, though. The Oakland Unified School District keeps track of Parent Satisfaction at its elementary schools. What's interesting about it is that high rates of parent satisfaction do not necessarily correlate to high Academic Performance Index. In other words, crappy schools have high numbers of satisfied parents, and so do some good schools. Some high achieving schools have low parent satisfaction (you can sort of picture how this would go if the survey day was on the same day a snippy head lice letter went out or something). I know nothing about stats, but if you want to look at the OUSD Enrollment Options on your own, go wild.

In other news, kudos to the people who figured out that branding is very effective with two year olds. I showed Junior Jr. this,
And he said, "Obama!" Which is creepy.

Nine days left at my job.

I realized today that Antarctica probably does not export anything. What other continent can boast that?

The New What

I started a blog for Liam so he'd have a website that keeps all his favorite things in one place. It's called Fungus Everything. He named it himself. Don't worry, I won't write it in his voice, unless he dictates it to me, in which case I will note that. I think its annoying when people write blogs in their children's and pets' voices. More annoying than wierd, given how common it is.

This blog is really for him, so at some point, I might make it a members' only website. But on a trial basis, feel free to check it out.

One piece of technical advice that I need: Blogger does not let you publish .pdf files. Typepad does, but I am cheap like that and don't want to pay to have an account. So how can I post Liam's drawings without converting them to a .pdf? Can I scan his drawings as .jpgs? If so, how do I do that? Thanks for any assistance you can give me on this one.

The Hitler Clip, redux

At this point, you may not even find it funny. Oh well HERE it is.

More Kwips

According to L, the reasons that little boys should get a new toy every day are:

1. It's healthy for the boy
2. It's good exercise for the mommy to go get the toy

The Hitler video

Did the version you see have the subtitles which were quotes from the Blagojevich criminal complaint? One person told me they didn't see subtitles. Another didn't know who Blagojevich was (although Lorin surely does).

To My O Town Homies

In my efforts to develop more fully as a procrastinator, I have stumbled upon some decent or interesting blogs about Oakland that I thought I would share with those of you who care.

The newest one I found is Oakland Geology. I know, total nerdfest. But the geology of Oakland is a facet of our lives whether we choose to think about it or not. The Hayward Fault lies just a few blocks east of my house, and it runs under both a park we like and the Oakland Zoo.

And then there's Oakland Streets, which is sort of Oakland in photo essays. Pretty thoughtful. Living in the O is what it sounds like: thoughts on living in Oakland. A Better Oakland and Future Oakland are both political blogs, although ABO is better, as the author is a serious policy wonk who actually watches all the crazy city council meetings.

It's pretty hard to get actual news about Oakland. The Oakland Tribune is crummy, as is The Montclarion. Chip Johnson's column in the SF Chronicle is always worth a read, because he cannot stand Dellums as mayor. o

There's actually dozens more, but those are the ones I read. I dunno. I thought you might like to know.

This Is Funny

This is good:

The Best Part of the Blago Affair

All the Chicago accents on the news.

He might appoint himself to build an insanity defense.

Mystery Reader

Who is this marvelously wealthy benefactor who owns TWO washing machines, and offers me one? The owner of my local laundromat? Fabulous! Unfortunately the door to our basement is Hobbit-sized so we can only have a Fisher-Price Lil Homemakers Stackables ™ laundry set up. Which is why they keep blowing out. Q changes his clothes literally dozens of times every day. Thanks for the offer though, Daddy Warbucks.

Meanwhile, I am blogging this while I wander around Albany CA trying to walk to Target, which apparently cannot be done. Don't even ask.

Welcome to My Headspace

I have been feeling wicked low about this blog lately. Maybe it was boring myself to death about the DC teachers' contract that was the nail in the coffin, but even before that, I had some form of blogging flu. My blogging is sluggish, nauseous, I throw some stuff up there on the screen and then go back to bed. It's not good. Certainly no way to maintain my teeny readership. But the honest truth is, if I blogged about my life as it was really happening, you'd tell me I wasn't better yet, go home til this thing has run its course.

My experience is, you have to blog through these moments. Just type til something funny or interesting stuff strikes. Its hard to know what to write when the Blagojevich Criminal Complaint is on the floor next to my desk, beckoning me with its ribald humor and mockery of the democratic system. If David Simon had invented Blago, we would have shook our heads, saying, "This guy isn't real." Instead Simon had to invent the more toned-down Clay Davis to fill the role of the pay-to-play, horse-trading criminally greedy politician. Sheeee-it.

Anyway, my life is overwhelmingly pre-occupied with issues too boring to discuss. E.g., the washing machine is broken, so I have to spend my non-working hours beating our clothes against a rock in the backyard under the hose. The kids seem to think Santa is coming this year, so I am trawling E-Bay for a tiny guitar for Q, who also wants a "cooter". That means scooter. Only 21 days left at my job. Soup party menu to plan, soup dislike still left to grapple with. Adding 4 goldfish to the family has turned out to be a lot more responsibility than I bargained for. Schools for kids. Should we get another car? Gar gar gah gar gar gar. That's a pirate song. This is my boring, satisfying breeder middle class happy life, and there's nothing to write about.

Poor me.

Love Notes From my Husband

Some women get sweet nothings, here’s the kind of romance I enjoy. An email from Mr. Scob, in its entirety:

 

GENERAL CATBURD:
Mr. President, I am a soldier.  And I'm a damn good one.  I've
got enough decorations to snap a Christmas tree.  All I'm trying
to say is, and I hope I speak for everyone in this room, is that
I am scared.  I'm barely holding my... fudge, right now.

Cut to SENATOR CUNNINGHAM.  She is disgusted.

SENATOR CUNNINGHAM:
Stop acting like a goddamn schoolgirl, General, and pull
yourself together.

Can Someone Explain This?

Over a year ago, we got our TV room painted. I love the color (a very subtle blue), but it was recently pointed out to me that the guy didn't paint the corners. Where each wall meets is a thin white line. There's a penumbra of white around each window, too, I just noticed. Its too intentional to be an oversight. Why did he do that?

DC Teachers Give-and-Take

So I got an email from a very thoughtful and smart person I know who has actual knowledge of the DC education system as an advocate for disabled children. Here's a part of her email:

but isn't the issue not firing people for cause, but rather that it takes years to get rid of teachers who are getting mediocre results? It is those teachers who are just not inspiring that we need to replace--not the ones who would otherwise be subject to discipline.

You know I was raised a good pro-union kid, which a solidarity forever tshirt and all, but sometimes I really do think DC is different. It takes super balls to get anything done w/DC schools.

First of all, I don't think it's just DC schools. I think a lot of people feel this way about most failing school districts. I recall hearing similar criticisms when I was living in Chicago, and Oakland Unified is so in-the-crapper that a state administrator had to be appointed. DC generally has major governance problems (ahem, no taxation without representation) so it might feel more acute, but I think the same argument plays out in most places.

Second, it seems we agree that teachers who warrant discipline can be disciplined, and that there isn't really a chronic problem of abusive teachers at issue here. The problem seems to be, as my reader puts it, "inspiring" teachers. Now, I question the value of this category. In 20 years of education, I can only think of a handful of teachers who were actually inspiring. From the rest, I learned about the Lennie Lenape Indians, trigonometry, gerunds, The Mill on the Floss. If you wipe out everyone who isn't inspiring, you have no one left. This is what I was getting at in my earlier post: "inspiring" is too subjective.

So does my reader mean teachers who have basically given up? The clock watchers? The bureaucrats? I think so. So my question back is, how did those people get that way? What are the conditions in which they work? I am (possibly unfairly) assuming that these teachers face overcrowded classrooms of undernourished children, without current materials, a teacher's aide, or involved and supportive parents. They are a couple of years from a decent retirement. Efforts earlier in their career to get better resources were futile, and possibly laughed at by their peers.

Why exactly is the failure of the DC schools their fault? Do they have all these wonderful things with happy, well-fed children and still they act like insolent teenagers? Why does Rhee make destroying their lives and careers her first priority? When they are gone, there will still be no decent books, healthy children and involved parents, and then Rhee will be the last one standing, and the only one to blame.

A failing city school seems to be a lot like a failing city hospital. Unhealthy patients, overcrowding, people in the ER for the flu, not enough supplies, peeling paint, staff taxed to their limit. But we rarely hear complaints that the healthcare system would be better if the hospital staff were more (euphemistically) inspiring. Diagnoses are missed, infections are spread. That's understood as a resource problem, not a staff problem. A new influx of residents and nurses only props up the system until those individuals are unable to do their job. I just suggest that our education systems be understood in comparable ways.

Finally, I think that if there was real leadership (and not Rhee's Blackberry-dependent petulance), teachers would either get on board with efforts to reform the school or they would leave rather than do the job they were asked to do. I give Rhee another 18 months before she declares victory and moves on. If she wants to stay and make real change, she'll change her attitude.

Prop 8 - The Musical

Enjoy!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Stuck in My Craw

So here comes what may the boringest blog post ever. Bear with me or not, I need to get this off my chest. I promise, you will be disappointed.

Michelle Rhee, the Chancellor of the D.C. public school system has gotten a lot of press lately over her proposal to create a two-tier compensation system in the District. See, for example, Time Magazine. She proposes to pay teachers up to $130,000 a year (salary and merit bonuses) if they will agree to drop tenure. In her system, tenured teachers would make their standard salary (around $65,000) in order to keep their job security, while other teachers would gamble on the higher pay by opting out of the current system. The Washington Teachers' Union has not brought this proposal to a vote, allegedly because they believe a generation gap among current teachers would create an unbreachable division.

Supposedly, Rhee's proposal is being watched with bated breath by most in the education world. She acknowledges that she wants to break the union, and nationwide, school districts are waiting to see if she can pull it off. Supposedly, her efforts are necessary because teachers just cannot be fired, because their unions always fight, and win, to keep them in their positions.

My gut reaction to this, after eight and a half years of being a union-side labor lawyer, is that this is utter and complete bullshit. I willingly acknowledge that unions occasionally (and in some cases, often) champion unpopular employees to vindicate political positions or procedural details. But that doesn't make bad employees un-fire-able. Let's look for a moment at the Washington Teachers' contract as it pertains to discipline.

3. Suspensions or discharge

In the case of suspensions, or discharge, the official taking the action shall provide the employee with advance written notice of the charge[s], which shall include a specific statement of the evidence supporting such charge[s], no later than ten (10) school days prior to the effective date of the discipline. At the option of DCPS, an employee shall either remain on the job or in pay status for the entire ten (10) day period. Within five (5) days of the receipt of the notice, the employee has the right to review all documents related to the charges and to provide a written reply along with supporting documents against the charges. The decision shall go into effect as stated unless upon consideration of all relevant facts by the official taking the action, the action is to be modified, at which time the employee and the union shall be so notified in writing of the modification. The disciplinary action or discharge shall not take effect until the requirements of this article are satisfied. All suspensions shall be administered in a manner which causes the teacher to lose no more pay than the actual days of suspension.

C. The initiation of the disciplinary action
shall be taken no later than thirty (30) school days after the supervisor’s knowledge of the alleged infraction. In cases requiring an investigation, any investigation conducted by or on behalf of DCPS into the alleged infraction shall be completed, with any investigation report provided to the employee involved and to the WTU within thirty (30) days after the supervisor’s knowledge of the alleged infraction. This time limit may be extended by mutual consent, but if not so extended, must be strictly adhered to.

There are a number of procedural hurdles described in these two sections, but I want to say two things about them: (1) they are pretty standard, although more favorable to employees than many collective bargaining agreements; (2) much of what is included is based on U.S. Constitutional law. 14th Amendment due process requires notice of intent to discipline and a hearing of the reasons for the decision (public employees have a property interest in continued employment).

The timelines are strict, but intended to prevent the employer from pissing around; if you want to take action, take action. Shit or get off the pot. It means the employer bears the burden of doing their job. And that's the rub. Much of what is described as a problem with the teachers is actually a problem with the supervisors, the district and even the precious new chancellor. If Michelle Rhee wants to know how to get rid of bad teachers, she would be well-advised to read her contract with the union. It's all spelled out there in black and white. Step one, step two, step three. The reason that the steps are particular is that the things teachers are accused of doing are highly subjective. For every complete idiot of a teacher that I have had, I can guarantee that there are 25 students who thought that teacher was brilliant. Should Ms. Mancini have gotten fired because I thought she was an utter imbecile? Maybe. But probably I was a 14-15-16 year old asshole (I had her three years in a row), and, gosh golly, here I am an educated person, and she's either retired or still teaching somewhere.

If you look at that contract, the careful steps do not apply in cases of corporal punishment, sexual harassment or abuse of a student. Mediation and respect are called for in cases involving complaints. These are appropriate. If that District doesn't want to exercise its own rights - by telling teachers that they must be in their classroom before class starts rather than at the bell, and disciplining people who fail to follow the rules - why should individual employees suffer?

This is one of the topics that kept me up late. In my disturbed half-sleep, I thought of many prescriptions for Ms. Rhee and the WTU. But now that I have read the contract, I see its all laid out for her. That Time article strongly suggests that she's only recently bothered to read her contract. If she understood it, she'd learn that employees must file their grievances within 10 days of the discipline (harder than it sounds for many people), that arbitrators are not bound by the formal rules of evidence in hearing each case, and that individual employees have no personal right to arbitration. She'd also understand that basic principles of fairness and respect underpin that relationship. It's all in there, if she only knew where to look.

What's Next for the Nascent Obama Administration

Now that I am leaving my job, I am actually becoming interested again in matters related to the Labor movement. Again last night I was up at 3:15 a.m. musing on some boring-as-sh%$ labor topic, which I will now share with you.

There was some mishegoss from labor circles about why Obama did not announce his pick for Secretary of Labor along with the rest of his economic team last week. People felt slighted and generally fear that labor will play second fiddle in the recovery. I think that latter sentiment might have some truth to it, but I think there are a couple of other factors in play.

First of all, I think Obama is going to roll out Labor, Energy and Interior together as part of his Green/Energy Initiative. Last week, he brought out his economic team together; today, he put his foreign policy team in place. Green/Energy will be next, and then Healthcare reform (Health and Human Services, Surgeon General). This is probably the order of Obama's priorities. Green/Energy gets a boost over Healthcare because it can be tied back to the economic recovery plan.

I think Labor will be placed with the Energy initiative because the message Obama wants to send is about the future of work in this country, not the past. He will be saying, essentially, that this is where the new jobs are going to be.

A second reason that Labor gets rolled out separately from the economic team, and why Obama will send a signal that this is about the future, and not the past, is that the Labor movement is in utter shambles, and there is political divisiveness in every considered potential appointee. The AFL-CIO and Change to Win are no closer to reconciliation than they were the day they split. SEIU is riven by infighting. This is going to be a tough pick, and there will be some backlash from some part of the labor movement regardless of who is chosen. I suspect Obama will unroll this closer to Christmas, or on a Friday afternoon, so no one needs to hear the complaining.

I don't have favorites for Secretary of Labor (other than, say, myself), but I do agree with Jay that Tennessee Tuxedo needs to be appointed "with all deliberate haste" to the position of Director of the National Black and White Zoo.