Your Bush Presidency at Work

Usually a news article puts its juiciest stuff right up front, but this article in the New York Times, Wide-Ranging Ethics Scandal Emerges at Interior Dept., is juicy the whole way through. Its so salacious that a Hollywood producer might even feel uncomfortable making it into a movie. Or would reject it as too over-the-top and unrealistic.

I think this is just one illustration of the extent to which the Bush Presidency is the Oligarchy of Big Oil and nothing more.

Buh-bye

When was the last time you saw a man-hug that was this awkward?

A Truth Universally Reviled

Excuse the formality of tonight's title. I finished reading Emma last night and the annoying circumlocutions of the 19th century are fixed in my brain until (insert your own corny Victorian weather reference here).

Here are the truths which I have previously reviled but am accepting, however tentatively, these days:

1. Once you have two babies, it does not matter how much weight you lose or how cute you once were, your body changes shape, occasionally in undesirable ways.
2. The only way to return a pregnancy-deformed body to a shadow of its prior cuteness is to exercise (NOTE: This is an as-yet untested maxim).
3. Exercise actually delivers on the other promises I have so ruefully ignored and rebuffed lo these 33 years.

So annoying. I joined the Y again though and went this morning. The Oakland Y is the world's greatest place to work out, because, in addition to the benefits of exercise that accrue from 25 minutes on an elliptical machine (if any; see 2 above), the other clientele cannot possibly make you feel bad. The blind, the halt and the lame. Is that the expression? As someone funnier than me once said, Everyone at the Oakland Y is there on doctor's orders. This has a twofold effect: (a) you look great and perfect by comparison and (b) you realize that if they can haul their medical scooters up the front steps, you can shut up and sweat.

Other truths, less universally reviled:

The White House is a warren of G-A-Y-ness. Yeah, you knew that. But if there's one thing to make it achingly clear, its a white tie dinner honoring the Queen. Have you seen the guest list? Both Josh Bolton and Stephen Hadley brought their moms, dude.

By the way, young Barbara Bush attended with Jay Blount. I don't know if she's seriously involved with this guy, but here he is rocking such a DeGrassi Jr. High look, it makes me think she brought him to honor the place in the British Commonwealth held by our neighbors to the North.*

Maybe the "gay" assessment of our national security advisor is a little half-cocked (har har). Maybe his wife is too down-to-earth for monarchy. If so, godspeed to her. Mrs. Hadley was all like, "take your mother, she'll love that crap."

*Here's how lame Canadians are: in voting on the Worst Canadian, the leading candidate may be a hockey team owner. Britain chose Jack the Ripper as the Worst Brit. Although maybe I shouldn't slag Canada for that. There are "certain quarters" where A-Rod would probably win Worst American.

Stop Stopping the War in Iraq!

It probably isn't the most impotent protest being held tomorrow, but I think the "Emergency Rally to end the war tomorrow in Oakland" ranks right up there.

I could pretend that this was a rally to stop some war in Oakland, but that would be more credible and effective than what it is. Some civic rallying against the high murder rate, or the shitty schools, or the As moving to Fremont - all of those I can see "sending a message" to someone. But I know this rally is against the war in Iraq, so why should I bother showing up?

First off, its being held in Oakland, where there is probably 100% agreement that this is a dumb war, and it is 100% certain that Bush could give a shit what we think. Second, it's in front of the Grand Lake Theater (famous for its owner's political commentary on the marquee), which means they anticipate only about same number of people who showed up for the premiere of Planet of the Apes to be at this rally.

Which will be demoralizing, right? I mean, with 100% unanimity on this point (at least presumed by the Bush administration), shouldn't Oaklanders turn their attentions elsewhere? Like, to seeing if Hot Fuzz is any good?

A Lot of New Shit Has Come to Light

Occasionally I feel like I live out on the edge of leftist politics, finding liberals to be too annoying and uptight, ruing Repuglicans from afar but never really having to meet one, since I live in Oakland. During the 2004 election, I was a poll judge and 4 votes were cast for Bush at my precinct, probably erroneously or as a joke. Out of several hundred. Anyway, turns out I am as centrist and judge-y as the next guy. Here's why:

NLG DUMPSTERING TOUR!!!!!
Monday, April 23, 9:30 pm. Meet at the Broadway gates. Have you ever wondered what happens to all the food in the grocery store when the "expiration date" arrives?Curious about just how much New York City wastes?Want to learn how to eat for free in the Big Apple? Yup, you read that last one right! Join the NLG and lots of other student groups in our end-of-the-year dumpstering tour extravaganza! The tour will be led by environmentalists from the Wetlands Collective, and will take us all around our Morningside Heights neighborhood. We will learn all about the environmental and humanitarian impact of our city's very wasteful ways, see the waste first-hand, and even stock up on groceries for those who dare! You may be wondering: Wait, food from the garbage, isn't that gross?If the food isn't gross, shouldn't I leave it for hungrier people?Why would anyone throw away perfectly good food?How can all of this food waste be prevented?Why aren't the stores giving all this food to soup kitchens?Is that illegal?Are you crazy?If you share any of these curiosities -- come for the tour and ask away!! The tour will be in our neighborhood, so you can meet up with us if you are late. Please feel free to forward this on to other Columbia groups/individuals who may be interested. Non-Columbianites are also welcome.

ARGH. This does NOT refer to people from Columbia, South America, by the way (or British Columbia, either - Canadians are far too sensible for this stupid shit). This refers to law students at Columbia University. NLG is the National Lawyers Guild, which kicked my law firm out of its ranks in the early 80s for being insufficiently doctrinaire and annoying because we represent capitalist collaborators, errr, I mean labor unions. Or some dumb shit. Anyway, this made me want to empty the contents of our freezer directly into the trash just to spite these little jerks. (I didn't because the food in our freezer is mostly freezer-burnt, so it would have accomplished some purpose, unlike this dumpster-diving excursion).

In other news, the Science Times this week has a special on Desire (code word for S-E-X) and wow, is it TMI regarding Jane Brody's sex life. Have you no sense of shame, Ms. Brody? Are you not a cold and reasoning scientist?

I have no studies to corroborate this idea, but I strongly suspect that older people who stay in shape physically, keep their brains stimulated and remain interested in a variety of activities are likely to feel more attractive and be more attractive — and thus more libidinous — than those who let themselves go to pot, as it were.

Yeah, okay, you are sex maniac, JB. Come back to me with actual scientific data, and not a "wink-wink, nudge, nudge" about your holiday weekend, please.

Here's the skinny on Ms. D in the photo below. She was minding her own business, heading into the grocery store when she notices a mob of reporters in the parking lot. She lifts her jacket over her head to avoid the rush of people, and Rudy G. yells out, "New York! You knew I would be here" or "Hey D, what's up?" or "I feel so welcome!" or something, and she says, "I didn't wear this for you!" And believe me, Deana (pronounced "Deee-Anna") sounded just like Mr. T when she said it, because she usually does. It's pretty D to call out a presidential candidate (but then run home and call her friends about it 3 or 4 times til they call her back).

Good Times, Good Times

Up is down, left is right, hip hop is not cool anymore.

First of all, there's Karl Rove rapping. Sheesh. I'm not embedding the YouTube version because its too damn long. Second, I heard Gangsters Paradise on NPR this morning. Hunh?

Well, since Michelle Pfieffer is in the Coolio video, I guess its not that cool.

And speaking of embedding, a 64-year-old woman from Berkeley is flying to Kuwait with a sleeping bag this week to try to find a military unit to embed with. It's like Cindy Sheehan without a plan (or even less of a plan). Imagine yourself in that army unit, on the prowl for insurgents, and there's a Berkeley hippie lady in your Humvee. How psyched are you? Probably she smells a little like the pee-pee she refuses to flush*, maybe has her cat with her, definitely wearing a patchwork quilt item of clothing, eating peanut butter sandwiches. The most presumptuous and annoying part:

Money for Arabic translators? Unnecessary. "I've been all over the world," she said, "and you always find people who speak English."

Oh, no, wait. Maybe this is the most presumptuous part:

She's tired of getting news from TV journalists who throw on a khaki vest for a few photo ops before flying home first-class.

Umm, how many journalists have been killed in Iraq? 97

Journalists kidnapped in Iraq: 45

That doesn't include the injuries, or the media support people who have been injured or killed in Iraq. I am sure they'd be offended by her ignorant assumptions, if they weren't too busy doing legitimate reporting from the frontlines.

Bozo.

* Sorry to be gross, but this is based on an actual BHL that I know of.

Question

Is T&A Lady on the Scooter Libby jury? If not, where has she been all month?