You'll Laugh, You'll Cry

James Kennedy invents THE parlor game for Oh Nine. Dig it.

Rethinking the Resolution Strategy

I was going to keep a few old resolutions around and see if I could make them happen in the oh-nine, but a concerned reader pointed me in the direction of The Fiber Menace, and now I must re-consider.

Okay, reconsideration complete. This gives hooey a bad name. I am told (by said reader) that this guy is serious, and his claims might have some basis in reality. Here's a book review that lends credence to that view.

I have my own opinions, but I would rather let JFB or Western Swing have at it. No punches to the head or below the waist, gentlemen.

How Did I Do? Plus a Note on Blago

It's that time of year where I review my new year's resolutions for the prior year, and then opine on a public figure. I guess that last part isn't really part of the tradition, but oh well. I just need somewhere to say that Blago sure has balls of steel, huh? Appointing Roland Burris to Obama's seat? Wow, and what's with Burris? How f-ing useless to him is his political legacy? About as useless as Ron Dellums is to him, I guess, given what a shitty mayor he is. But I digress. An interesting side note for my non-Chicago homies: Jesse White will refuse to certify Burris' appointment. Jesse is the IL Secretary of State. Ben Smith makes a possibly unintentional funny in the title of his post, "A Procedural Hurdle". Jesse White is also the founder of the Jesse White Tumblers, a very awesome organization that takes kids from poor neighborhoods in Chicago and trains them to be serious gymnasts, tumblers, acrobats, etc.

Anyway, back to my 2008 resolutions:

1. Floss more
I can't really recall how I did on this. Mostly fine. I had a good report on the situation at my December 8 dental appointment, so I will give myself a point on this one.

2. Figure out what it means to add more fiber to one's diet, without actually eating Uncle Sam cereal
Never did figure this out. Maybe I will re-up this one for 2009

3. "Develop an interest" (This means "hobby", not "lover")
4. Stay politically idealistic in this election cycle until at least South Carolina, possibly all the way until February 6
These two dovetailed nicely. As you can tell from my blog, I just made politics my hobby this year. I volunteered for the Obama campaign in the primary, ran for office from March til June, and then did the Voter Protection stuff for Nevada from July til election day. So I guess I might need to re-up this one. Obsessing about the presidency hardly seems as exciting.

5. Devise a system for organizing all the crap on my desk at home
This never happened. I just got a laptop, so I think I will just get rid of the desk. No idea what I am going to do with all the crap I previously piled up on my desk.

6. Get other adult members of my household to join me in more assiduously disposing of compostables in a receptacle from whence, or within which, composting can occur.
This was very successful, actually. Almost all of our food waste goes into this little green bin than gets dumped into a larger green bin at the curb, which the city/waste management/God then empties. Our trash was cut easily by more than 25%, and once Q is out of diapers, we will be down to 50% of our 2007 trash output. I love Oakland/East Bay. They make some New Year's resolutions so easy to keep.

To Reiterate

In order to understand the following four posts, it helps to read them together HERE. Or completely ignore all of this craziness if you are not a huge Wire fan. Thank you.

In the Port/Schools/Press bracket

Definitely the weakest, and proof that season 5 didn't really bring it.

Randy yelling at Carver beat Frank Sobotka's talk with his brother 4-0
DeLonda yelling at Namond beat reporters "mother of 4" talk 4-0
Frank visits Ziggy in jail beat Dukie's eviction 4-0
parallel cops/teachers trainings beat "evacuate" discussion 3-1
Prez explaining intimacy beat Donut opening the teacher's car door 3-1
Nicky looking through the fence beat Prez/Bubs seeing eachother at school 4-0
Bunny and WeeBay talking beat "not even Greek" scene 3-1
Kids trying to catch pigeon beat DeLonda and WeeBay talking 4-0

Bracket match-ups: Randy yelling v. DeLonda yelling; Frank/Ziggy v. Trainings; Intimacy v. Nicky; Bunny and WeeBay v. the pigeon

The Police Bracket

Strong feelings in this one

Bunk/McNulty "fuck" scene beat Prez rearranging the board 4-0
Ray Cole's detective funeral beat the questioning of suspects who don't speak English 4-0
Omar testifying against Bird beat Cheryl/Burrell at hospital 4-0
McNulty at brothel beat search for shot Kima 3-1
Landsman throwing Bubbles back beat Omar buying a suit 4-0
Lester discovering the bodies in the vacants beat Lester getting Avon's picture 3-1
Bunk/Omar's jail talk beat McNulty putting the floater in city jurisdiction 4-0
Bunny's paperbag lecture beat moving the desk 3-1.

Next round match-ups are: "fuck" scene v. funeral; Omar testifying v. Jimmy at brothel; Landsman v. Lester; "Man's got to have a code" vs. paperbag.

The Hall Bracket

In The Hall bracket:
There are some problems in this bracket, three ties. Please cast some breaking votes, so we can move this bracket forward.

Clay Davis testifying beats Stringer/Levy paying him off 3-1
Narese talking to Clay beats the Royce BJ scene 3-1
Norman's "sanctity of the voting booth" beat Carcetti turning Terry down on election night 3-1
Norman on blacks voting for whites beat Carcetti hiring Terry 3-1
Bunny and the deacon at PJs tied with Carcetti fundraising
Carcetti's visit to the governor tied with Carcetti's homeless speech
Carcetti at funeral tied with his first budget meeting
Clay Davis getting served beat Cutty's election day run 4-0.

The Street Bracket

To make this easier, I will break these out by bracket:

In The Streets bracket:
Wallace gets killed beats Omar brings clock to Joe 3-1
Stringer gets killed beats "fight on that lie" 4-0
Snoop buying nail gun beats Omar buying Cheerios 4-0
Dukie/Cutty talk beats DeAngelo restaurant scene 3-1
Bug, Duke and Michael's farewell beat Stringer/Avon balcony scene 3-1
DeAngelo's chess game beats Bodie/McNulty restaurant scene 3-1
Bodie/McNulty park scene beats Omar shooting Mouzone 3-1
Omar stealing the whole package beats Mr. Nugget 3-1

So you see, there are some very tight match-ups in the next round. Wallace v. Stringer. Snoop v. Dukie/Cutty. Boys' farewell v. The chess game. Bodie and McNulty v. Omar.

It's brutal. Let me know what you think.

The Wire Brackets, Part 2 - For serious Wire fans only

Back in March, deep in the throes of my work unhappiness, I concocted The Wire brackets. Sixty-four of the subjectively chosen best scenes from this show paired up for showdown. I had four voters, including myself. Herewith, the first round results. By the way, I am just getting to this now because Wednesday is my last day of work, and I need to clear ALL the shit off my desk.

In The Streets bracket:
Wallace gets killed beats Omar brings clock to Joe 3-1
Stringer gets killed beats "fight on that lie" 4-0
Snoop buying nail gun beats Omar buying Cheerios 4-0
Dukie/Cutty talk beats DeAngelo restaurant scene 3-1
Bug, Duke and Michael's farewell beat Stringer/Avon balcony scene 3-1
DeAngelo's chess game beats Bodie/McNulty restaurant scene 3-1
Bodie/McNulty park scene beats Omar shooting Mouzone 3-1
Omar stealing the whole package beats Mr. Nugget 3-1

So you see, there are some very tight match-ups in the next round. Wallace v. Stringer. Snoop v. Dukie/Cutty. Boys' farewell v. The chess game. Bodie and McNulty v. Omar.

It's brutal. Let me know what you think

In The Hall bracket:
There are some problems in this bracket, three ties. Please cast some breaking votes, so we can move this bracket forward.

Clay Davis testifying beats Stringer/Levy paying him off 3-1
Narese talking to Clay beats the Royce BJ scene 3-1
Norman's "sanctity of the voting booth" beat Carcetti turning Terry down on election night 3-1
Norman on blacks voting for whites beat Carcetti hiring Terry 3-1
Bunny and the deacon at PJs tied with Carcetti fundraising
Carcetti's visit to the governor tied with Carcetti's homeless speech
Carcetti at funeral tied with his first budget meeting
Clay Davis getting served beat Cutty's election day run 4-0.

In The Police bracket: Strong feelings in this one
Bunk/McNulty "fuck" scene beat Prez rearranging the board 4-0
Ray Cole's detective funeral beat the questioning of suspects who don't speak English 4-0
Omar testifying against Bird beat Cheryl/Burrell at hospital 4-0
McNulty at brothel beat search for shot Kima 3-1
Landsman throwing Bubbles back beat Omar buying a suit 4-0
Lester discovering the bodies in the vacants beat Lester getting Avon's picture 3-1
Bunk/Omar's jail talk beat McNulty putting the floater in city jurisdiction 4-0
Bunny's paperbag lecture beat moving the desk 3-1.

Next round match-ups are: "fuck" scene v. funeral; Omar testifying v. Jimmy at brothel; Landsman v. Lester; "Man's got to have a code" vs. paperbag.

Finally, In the Port/Schools/Press bracket: Definitely the weakest, and proof that season 5 didn't really bring it.

Randy yelling at Carver beat Frank Sobotka's talk with his brother 4-0
DeLonda yelling at Namond beat reporters "mother of 4" talk 4-0
Frank visits Ziggy in jail beat Dukie's eviction 4-0
parallel cops/teachers trainings beat "evacuate" discussion 3-1
Prez explaining intimacy beat Donut opening the teacher's car door 3-1
Nicky looking through the fence beat Prez/Bubs seeing eachother at school 4-0
Bunny and WeeBay talking beat "not even Greek" scene 3-1
Kids trying to catch pigeon beat DeLonda and WeeBay talking 4-0

Bracket matck-ups: Randy yelling v. DeLonda yelling; Frank/Ziggy v. Trainings; Intimacy v. Nicky; Bunny and WeeBay v. the pigeon

I know, not enough Bubs. Not even enough Omar. Certainly not enough of the kids.

Okay, the floor is open.

Some Additional Thoughts about E.T.

1. The John Williams score does not hold up well. It's corny and distracting. The movie would be even scarier and more affecting if the soundtrack were subtle. 

2. I haven't watched ET since probably 1982 because the end scared me so much. I will still near tears (except for the annoying score) for the last 35 minutes.

3. Critics probably said this at the time, but since I was 8 I wasn't hip to it, but the story is so obviously an allegory about the affection that children have for their immigrant caregivers in a world of displaced, unfinished suburban sprawl and a burgeoning divorce rate. Recall that this movie was released the last time that immigration reform was on the horizon, and "aliens" and their roles in the lives of Southern California children would have been pretty salient. Also interesting is that Elliott's father has left their mother and moved to Mexico. The implication being that he's left his family for another woman there. 

4. Hipsters of my era (who are in their 30s now) clearly developed their sense of style from this movie and others of that time. There are aviator glasses, trucker hats, puffy vests on C. Thomas Howell, et cetera. Yup, he's in that movie too. It's funny to me that the style of my contemporaries is based on 14-year olds in a movie released in 1982.

Did You Know?

I have a lot to blog about, but did you know that Michael from ET is a mailman in Phoenix now? How wierd is that?

This is my first blog post on my new MacBook laptop. hoot hoot!

ET is terrifying, by the way, even 26 years later.

What Lurks in the Deep Recesses of My Subconscious

If you ever wonder what sick and twisted things dwell deep in my mind . . .

I had this dream last night that I was playing a Dungeons & Dragons-type video game, and then suddenly I was in the game. The Level 9 villain (in addition to a terrifying, unseen dragon) was Larry (of L, Darryl and Darryl) from The Newhart Show. But before I had to battle him, I went into a room where there was a party. There, in a large serving dish, were about a dozen of those giant frosted shredded wheat things. I woke with a start. (Also Q was yelling from the other room).

Does this make me a sick person?

The Tina Fey-ing Must Stop

When I started my little celebrity look-alike contest, I was joking around, looking for a way to flatter myself by comparing myself to Linda Evangelista, Tina Fey and Isabella Rossellini. I didn't realize that Sarah Palin would make it all go terribly awry. Here's what happened: Sarah Palin came on the scene, and Tina Fey played her to great effect on SNL. You've seen it, I'm sure. Now suddenly everyone knows who Tina Fey is, and my neighbor isn't the only one who notices the resemblance.

But okay, enough. I'm over it.

The other day, I was at The Gap, returning jeans for my rapidly thinning husband. Here's the dialogue with the sales clerk. Actually, it was basically a monologue, so I will skip my "mm-hmmms":

Clerk: Will this be all? You look like someone. Who? Who?
Me: Sarah Palin? Tina Fey?
Clerk: Tina Fey! That's it, you're Tina Fey!
Me: No, I'm not. I just look like her. It's the glasses.
Clerk: And the hair. Why did you get the same haircut as her?
Me: I didn't (drowned out explanation about how we both just have wavy thick hair)
Clerk: Well, you look just like her. You could be her. JESSICA! Come here and look at this lady! It's Tina Fey. (other sales clerk looks over and sort of smiles) PAUL, come up to the register. (Paul comes up) It's Tina Fey. Seriously, isn't it? ("I'm not", I mouth). YOU ARE TINA FEY.
(I swipe my card). Let me see your driver's license. I want to see if you're Tina Fey. (To woman in line behind me) It's Tina Fey! Okay, you're not Tina Fet, but YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HER! That's so crazy. I can't believe I had Tina Fey in here.

I thank her and leave. Wierd, annoying. Then the other day Mr. Scob and I were at a holiday party, and near the end, as we were about to leave, the hostess exclaims, "Oh my God, I meant to show you! Did you see Vanity Fair!? You ARE Tina Fey" She uncharacteristically sprints from the room and returns with the magazine. She opens to a picture of TF looking sexy-ish and says, "MMM, Hmmm, that could be you!" She then goes on a little about how she and her husband had been discussing my Tina Feyness and she'd meant to tell me earlier.

As irked as I am about this, I bet Tina Fey is even more annoyed by the comparisons to Sarah Palin. Wow, irritating. I don't know how Sarah Palin feels about being compared to me all the time; she and I don't talk. But if she's getting nearly as much of the mistaken identity stuff as Tina and I are, I think even feel sorry for her. Hopefully Sarah Palin and I can dissolve back into the woodwork, and let everyone just recognize Tina Fey for who she is. That's all I really want out of this.

Jobs I Don't Want

Here's the description from a recent FEMA job posting:

FEMA employees are subject to 24 hour on-call in the event of any emergency. This service may require irregular work hours, work at locations other than the official duty station, and may include duties other than those specified in the employee's official position description. Travel requirements in support of emergency operations may be extensive in nature (weeks to months), with little advance notice, and may require employees to relocate to emergency sites that require functioning under intense physical and mental stress.

Umm, no thanks.

The New Aesthetic

I decided I liked the look of Fungus Everything more than the St. Scobie's traditional dots. There are some problems, of course. Because I don't know html, I can't resize the video or anything fancy like that. But its clean. Like my new, untethered life.

Beardo

And another thing: Tim Harrington has a tv show on Pitchfork.tv called Beardo. Enjoy episode 4:

Some Small Thoughts

Two more interesting points about education. First, the New Yorker has a fascinating story about employers cannot predict whether teachers, and quarterbacks, will succeed. This is all very much on my mind as we look at kindergartens for Li. (I know, *yawn*). I came across an interesting set of numbers in my search, though. The Oakland Unified School District keeps track of Parent Satisfaction at its elementary schools. What's interesting about it is that high rates of parent satisfaction do not necessarily correlate to high Academic Performance Index. In other words, crappy schools have high numbers of satisfied parents, and so do some good schools. Some high achieving schools have low parent satisfaction (you can sort of picture how this would go if the survey day was on the same day a snippy head lice letter went out or something). I know nothing about stats, but if you want to look at the OUSD Enrollment Options on your own, go wild.

In other news, kudos to the people who figured out that branding is very effective with two year olds. I showed Junior Jr. this,
And he said, "Obama!" Which is creepy.

Nine days left at my job.

I realized today that Antarctica probably does not export anything. What other continent can boast that?

The New What

I started a blog for Liam so he'd have a website that keeps all his favorite things in one place. It's called Fungus Everything. He named it himself. Don't worry, I won't write it in his voice, unless he dictates it to me, in which case I will note that. I think its annoying when people write blogs in their children's and pets' voices. More annoying than wierd, given how common it is.

This blog is really for him, so at some point, I might make it a members' only website. But on a trial basis, feel free to check it out.

One piece of technical advice that I need: Blogger does not let you publish .pdf files. Typepad does, but I am cheap like that and don't want to pay to have an account. So how can I post Liam's drawings without converting them to a .pdf? Can I scan his drawings as .jpgs? If so, how do I do that? Thanks for any assistance you can give me on this one.

The Hitler Clip, redux

At this point, you may not even find it funny. Oh well HERE it is.

More Kwips

According to L, the reasons that little boys should get a new toy every day are:

1. It's healthy for the boy
2. It's good exercise for the mommy to go get the toy

The Hitler video

Did the version you see have the subtitles which were quotes from the Blagojevich criminal complaint? One person told me they didn't see subtitles. Another didn't know who Blagojevich was (although Lorin surely does).

To My O Town Homies

In my efforts to develop more fully as a procrastinator, I have stumbled upon some decent or interesting blogs about Oakland that I thought I would share with those of you who care.

The newest one I found is Oakland Geology. I know, total nerdfest. But the geology of Oakland is a facet of our lives whether we choose to think about it or not. The Hayward Fault lies just a few blocks east of my house, and it runs under both a park we like and the Oakland Zoo.

And then there's Oakland Streets, which is sort of Oakland in photo essays. Pretty thoughtful. Living in the O is what it sounds like: thoughts on living in Oakland. A Better Oakland and Future Oakland are both political blogs, although ABO is better, as the author is a serious policy wonk who actually watches all the crazy city council meetings.

It's pretty hard to get actual news about Oakland. The Oakland Tribune is crummy, as is The Montclarion. Chip Johnson's column in the SF Chronicle is always worth a read, because he cannot stand Dellums as mayor. o

There's actually dozens more, but those are the ones I read. I dunno. I thought you might like to know.

This Is Funny

This is good:

The Best Part of the Blago Affair

All the Chicago accents on the news.

He might appoint himself to build an insanity defense.

Mystery Reader

Who is this marvelously wealthy benefactor who owns TWO washing machines, and offers me one? The owner of my local laundromat? Fabulous! Unfortunately the door to our basement is Hobbit-sized so we can only have a Fisher-Price Lil Homemakers Stackables ™ laundry set up. Which is why they keep blowing out. Q changes his clothes literally dozens of times every day. Thanks for the offer though, Daddy Warbucks.

Meanwhile, I am blogging this while I wander around Albany CA trying to walk to Target, which apparently cannot be done. Don't even ask.

Welcome to My Headspace

I have been feeling wicked low about this blog lately. Maybe it was boring myself to death about the DC teachers' contract that was the nail in the coffin, but even before that, I had some form of blogging flu. My blogging is sluggish, nauseous, I throw some stuff up there on the screen and then go back to bed. It's not good. Certainly no way to maintain my teeny readership. But the honest truth is, if I blogged about my life as it was really happening, you'd tell me I wasn't better yet, go home til this thing has run its course.

My experience is, you have to blog through these moments. Just type til something funny or interesting stuff strikes. Its hard to know what to write when the Blagojevich Criminal Complaint is on the floor next to my desk, beckoning me with its ribald humor and mockery of the democratic system. If David Simon had invented Blago, we would have shook our heads, saying, "This guy isn't real." Instead Simon had to invent the more toned-down Clay Davis to fill the role of the pay-to-play, horse-trading criminally greedy politician. Sheeee-it.

Anyway, my life is overwhelmingly pre-occupied with issues too boring to discuss. E.g., the washing machine is broken, so I have to spend my non-working hours beating our clothes against a rock in the backyard under the hose. The kids seem to think Santa is coming this year, so I am trawling E-Bay for a tiny guitar for Q, who also wants a "cooter". That means scooter. Only 21 days left at my job. Soup party menu to plan, soup dislike still left to grapple with. Adding 4 goldfish to the family has turned out to be a lot more responsibility than I bargained for. Schools for kids. Should we get another car? Gar gar gah gar gar gar. That's a pirate song. This is my boring, satisfying breeder middle class happy life, and there's nothing to write about.

Poor me.

Love Notes From my Husband

Some women get sweet nothings, here’s the kind of romance I enjoy. An email from Mr. Scob, in its entirety:

 

GENERAL CATBURD:
Mr. President, I am a soldier.  And I'm a damn good one.  I've
got enough decorations to snap a Christmas tree.  All I'm trying
to say is, and I hope I speak for everyone in this room, is that
I am scared.  I'm barely holding my... fudge, right now.

Cut to SENATOR CUNNINGHAM.  She is disgusted.

SENATOR CUNNINGHAM:
Stop acting like a goddamn schoolgirl, General, and pull
yourself together.

Can Someone Explain This?

Over a year ago, we got our TV room painted. I love the color (a very subtle blue), but it was recently pointed out to me that the guy didn't paint the corners. Where each wall meets is a thin white line. There's a penumbra of white around each window, too, I just noticed. Its too intentional to be an oversight. Why did he do that?

DC Teachers Give-and-Take

So I got an email from a very thoughtful and smart person I know who has actual knowledge of the DC education system as an advocate for disabled children. Here's a part of her email:

but isn't the issue not firing people for cause, but rather that it takes years to get rid of teachers who are getting mediocre results? It is those teachers who are just not inspiring that we need to replace--not the ones who would otherwise be subject to discipline.

You know I was raised a good pro-union kid, which a solidarity forever tshirt and all, but sometimes I really do think DC is different. It takes super balls to get anything done w/DC schools.

First of all, I don't think it's just DC schools. I think a lot of people feel this way about most failing school districts. I recall hearing similar criticisms when I was living in Chicago, and Oakland Unified is so in-the-crapper that a state administrator had to be appointed. DC generally has major governance problems (ahem, no taxation without representation) so it might feel more acute, but I think the same argument plays out in most places.

Second, it seems we agree that teachers who warrant discipline can be disciplined, and that there isn't really a chronic problem of abusive teachers at issue here. The problem seems to be, as my reader puts it, "inspiring" teachers. Now, I question the value of this category. In 20 years of education, I can only think of a handful of teachers who were actually inspiring. From the rest, I learned about the Lennie Lenape Indians, trigonometry, gerunds, The Mill on the Floss. If you wipe out everyone who isn't inspiring, you have no one left. This is what I was getting at in my earlier post: "inspiring" is too subjective.

So does my reader mean teachers who have basically given up? The clock watchers? The bureaucrats? I think so. So my question back is, how did those people get that way? What are the conditions in which they work? I am (possibly unfairly) assuming that these teachers face overcrowded classrooms of undernourished children, without current materials, a teacher's aide, or involved and supportive parents. They are a couple of years from a decent retirement. Efforts earlier in their career to get better resources were futile, and possibly laughed at by their peers.

Why exactly is the failure of the DC schools their fault? Do they have all these wonderful things with happy, well-fed children and still they act like insolent teenagers? Why does Rhee make destroying their lives and careers her first priority? When they are gone, there will still be no decent books, healthy children and involved parents, and then Rhee will be the last one standing, and the only one to blame.

A failing city school seems to be a lot like a failing city hospital. Unhealthy patients, overcrowding, people in the ER for the flu, not enough supplies, peeling paint, staff taxed to their limit. But we rarely hear complaints that the healthcare system would be better if the hospital staff were more (euphemistically) inspiring. Diagnoses are missed, infections are spread. That's understood as a resource problem, not a staff problem. A new influx of residents and nurses only props up the system until those individuals are unable to do their job. I just suggest that our education systems be understood in comparable ways.

Finally, I think that if there was real leadership (and not Rhee's Blackberry-dependent petulance), teachers would either get on board with efforts to reform the school or they would leave rather than do the job they were asked to do. I give Rhee another 18 months before she declares victory and moves on. If she wants to stay and make real change, she'll change her attitude.

Prop 8 - The Musical

Enjoy!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Stuck in My Craw

So here comes what may the boringest blog post ever. Bear with me or not, I need to get this off my chest. I promise, you will be disappointed.

Michelle Rhee, the Chancellor of the D.C. public school system has gotten a lot of press lately over her proposal to create a two-tier compensation system in the District. See, for example, Time Magazine. She proposes to pay teachers up to $130,000 a year (salary and merit bonuses) if they will agree to drop tenure. In her system, tenured teachers would make their standard salary (around $65,000) in order to keep their job security, while other teachers would gamble on the higher pay by opting out of the current system. The Washington Teachers' Union has not brought this proposal to a vote, allegedly because they believe a generation gap among current teachers would create an unbreachable division.

Supposedly, Rhee's proposal is being watched with bated breath by most in the education world. She acknowledges that she wants to break the union, and nationwide, school districts are waiting to see if she can pull it off. Supposedly, her efforts are necessary because teachers just cannot be fired, because their unions always fight, and win, to keep them in their positions.

My gut reaction to this, after eight and a half years of being a union-side labor lawyer, is that this is utter and complete bullshit. I willingly acknowledge that unions occasionally (and in some cases, often) champion unpopular employees to vindicate political positions or procedural details. But that doesn't make bad employees un-fire-able. Let's look for a moment at the Washington Teachers' contract as it pertains to discipline.

3. Suspensions or discharge

In the case of suspensions, or discharge, the official taking the action shall provide the employee with advance written notice of the charge[s], which shall include a specific statement of the evidence supporting such charge[s], no later than ten (10) school days prior to the effective date of the discipline. At the option of DCPS, an employee shall either remain on the job or in pay status for the entire ten (10) day period. Within five (5) days of the receipt of the notice, the employee has the right to review all documents related to the charges and to provide a written reply along with supporting documents against the charges. The decision shall go into effect as stated unless upon consideration of all relevant facts by the official taking the action, the action is to be modified, at which time the employee and the union shall be so notified in writing of the modification. The disciplinary action or discharge shall not take effect until the requirements of this article are satisfied. All suspensions shall be administered in a manner which causes the teacher to lose no more pay than the actual days of suspension.

C. The initiation of the disciplinary action
shall be taken no later than thirty (30) school days after the supervisor’s knowledge of the alleged infraction. In cases requiring an investigation, any investigation conducted by or on behalf of DCPS into the alleged infraction shall be completed, with any investigation report provided to the employee involved and to the WTU within thirty (30) days after the supervisor’s knowledge of the alleged infraction. This time limit may be extended by mutual consent, but if not so extended, must be strictly adhered to.

There are a number of procedural hurdles described in these two sections, but I want to say two things about them: (1) they are pretty standard, although more favorable to employees than many collective bargaining agreements; (2) much of what is included is based on U.S. Constitutional law. 14th Amendment due process requires notice of intent to discipline and a hearing of the reasons for the decision (public employees have a property interest in continued employment).

The timelines are strict, but intended to prevent the employer from pissing around; if you want to take action, take action. Shit or get off the pot. It means the employer bears the burden of doing their job. And that's the rub. Much of what is described as a problem with the teachers is actually a problem with the supervisors, the district and even the precious new chancellor. If Michelle Rhee wants to know how to get rid of bad teachers, she would be well-advised to read her contract with the union. It's all spelled out there in black and white. Step one, step two, step three. The reason that the steps are particular is that the things teachers are accused of doing are highly subjective. For every complete idiot of a teacher that I have had, I can guarantee that there are 25 students who thought that teacher was brilliant. Should Ms. Mancini have gotten fired because I thought she was an utter imbecile? Maybe. But probably I was a 14-15-16 year old asshole (I had her three years in a row), and, gosh golly, here I am an educated person, and she's either retired or still teaching somewhere.

If you look at that contract, the careful steps do not apply in cases of corporal punishment, sexual harassment or abuse of a student. Mediation and respect are called for in cases involving complaints. These are appropriate. If that District doesn't want to exercise its own rights - by telling teachers that they must be in their classroom before class starts rather than at the bell, and disciplining people who fail to follow the rules - why should individual employees suffer?

This is one of the topics that kept me up late. In my disturbed half-sleep, I thought of many prescriptions for Ms. Rhee and the WTU. But now that I have read the contract, I see its all laid out for her. That Time article strongly suggests that she's only recently bothered to read her contract. If she understood it, she'd learn that employees must file their grievances within 10 days of the discipline (harder than it sounds for many people), that arbitrators are not bound by the formal rules of evidence in hearing each case, and that individual employees have no personal right to arbitration. She'd also understand that basic principles of fairness and respect underpin that relationship. It's all in there, if she only knew where to look.

What's Next for the Nascent Obama Administration

Now that I am leaving my job, I am actually becoming interested again in matters related to the Labor movement. Again last night I was up at 3:15 a.m. musing on some boring-as-sh%$ labor topic, which I will now share with you.

There was some mishegoss from labor circles about why Obama did not announce his pick for Secretary of Labor along with the rest of his economic team last week. People felt slighted and generally fear that labor will play second fiddle in the recovery. I think that latter sentiment might have some truth to it, but I think there are a couple of other factors in play.

First of all, I think Obama is going to roll out Labor, Energy and Interior together as part of his Green/Energy Initiative. Last week, he brought out his economic team together; today, he put his foreign policy team in place. Green/Energy will be next, and then Healthcare reform (Health and Human Services, Surgeon General). This is probably the order of Obama's priorities. Green/Energy gets a boost over Healthcare because it can be tied back to the economic recovery plan.

I think Labor will be placed with the Energy initiative because the message Obama wants to send is about the future of work in this country, not the past. He will be saying, essentially, that this is where the new jobs are going to be.

A second reason that Labor gets rolled out separately from the economic team, and why Obama will send a signal that this is about the future, and not the past, is that the Labor movement is in utter shambles, and there is political divisiveness in every considered potential appointee. The AFL-CIO and Change to Win are no closer to reconciliation than they were the day they split. SEIU is riven by infighting. This is going to be a tough pick, and there will be some backlash from some part of the labor movement regardless of who is chosen. I suspect Obama will unroll this closer to Christmas, or on a Friday afternoon, so no one needs to hear the complaining.

I don't have favorites for Secretary of Labor (other than, say, myself), but I do agree with Jay that Tennessee Tuxedo needs to be appointed "with all deliberate haste" to the position of Director of the National Black and White Zoo.