Last Friday night, Mr. S proclaimed that Q-ball would need to learn to sleep through the night in his play pen in our room in preparation for moving in with his big brother. Parents know this problem: Getting Your Kids To Sleep (a) Alone or (b) In The Same Room. It's like trying to decipher the Rambaldi Prophesies or something using only sleep deprivation and the odor of pee-pee as your clues. It's one of the many things about parenting where you find yourself thinking (or rather, I find myself thinking): I am a grown-up with several advanced degrees. I can navigate the New York and London subway systems and have driven in LA. I am smart and pretty and my tongue is pink. Why won't this baby/child (INSERT WHAT I WANT THEM TO DO)?
We've had varying degrees of success over the past several nights, and I want to say this: I am sorry to all of our house guests for making you sleep on a pull-out couch where your head is tilted just slightly below your body at all time.
A friend just sent me this link, and I had really high hopes that it would offer some insight into getting kids to stay asleep all night. But the essence of the millions-dollar study described is, parents whose children don't sleep through the night have health problems, including depression, and you should try to get your kids to sleep through the night. Come ON. Throw me a freakin' bone here, people. Please explain what you are (I am) supposed to do when the children's crying becomes an endless feedback loop, and sleep is impossible for everyone.
I realize that this is probably the number one most mundane blog post ever. Tough tatas. It's hard out here for a pimp. Etc etc. Just send advice.
5 comments:
Well, sounds like you've already taken up our method, which was to sit up listening to the screaming child and think hateful thoughts about those smug, self-righteous parents who would declare things like "Little Percy slept for eight hours straight right out of the hospital. You should get yours to do that." The kids are finally (sorta) sleeping through the night and I still can't stand to hear that.
Our other tactic was to get angry and depressed and wait for the kid to get older and sleep better. Surprisingly, that worked better than pretty much anything else we tried.
When all else fails, may I suggest ear plugs and Ambien? They worked when I lived over Haight Street, and they work blissfully with a crying kid, too. I mean, it's not like you're going to DO anything about the crying anyway, right? :)
Anonymous: The other parents I hate are the ones who say, "How can you just let them cry?! They won't be sufficiently attached! They'll never be emotionally developed!" Etc etc. I think I used to think that, but I don't anymore.
Seamus: Can I give Ambien to a three-year-old? Is that allowed?
To whom it may concern,
DON'T TAKE AMBIEN!
childless in LA,
kmlc
Thanks for checkin' in, Congressman.
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