Some More Things I Don't Like About My New Job

Just to be clear, I actually really really like my new job. It's the jargon that is driving me crazy. For example, today I got this in an email: "Seems like a great opportunity for onboarding." Is that a word? It's not defined at dictionary.com. Oh wait, here it is.

This need to create new words to replace other, equally efficient, words is super-irritating. And just how pervasive is it? Well, today an Efficiency Contest was announced in the office where I work. the purpose of this contest? "The (blank) committee wants to develop a word or short phrase that we can use within our department that indicates something may be inefficient. This is something that we would be all comfortable saying to one another and would indicate, we may need to stop and rethink something." Some proposed examples are, "Time Out, E-9, Pause, Pause Check, E-check," et al.

So basically this is a contest to find a safe word to stop inefficiencies which is itelf totally inefficient since the obvious answer is that we all just agree to say, "This seems inefficient?" or "Is this the most efficient way to do this?"

At some point, I assume I will just get a little callous on my forehead and then it won't bleed anymore when I bang it on my desk, right?

Just to Be Clear

I in no way shape or form endorse anything Grover Norquist says or does, even stopping at red lights. I feel so yucky now.

A Proud Parent

My five year-old, who wants to learn to read and write, wrote, "POOP PEE FArT" last night. We are SO proud of him.

Last night I was behind a car which had been purchased at Karl Malone Toyota Subaru. I recall that Scotty Pippen had a few car dealerships as well. Why do basketball players have car dealerships? Or is it athletes generally? And how are they weathering the economic downturn relative to other dealerships, many of which seem to be folding right now? These are the things I worry about in these difficult times.

I like this Scientology PAC idea, as it makes Grover Norquist seem almost reasonable. Okay, not really. Geez, saying anything vaguely positive about Norquist definitely just put my enneagrams in a state of flux.

O.P.P.

MIL: Here's a link, but the highlights:

O is for Other, P is for People scratchin' temple
The last P...well...that's not that simple
It's sorta like another way to call a cat a kitten 

As for the ladies, OPP means something gifted 

The first two letters are the same the last is something different 

Its the longest, loveliest, lean -- I call it the leanest 

It's another five letter word rhymin' with cleanest and meanest

My Guys

Here's a picture I took of my world class mushroom hunters on our hike today. You can read about the hike at Fungus Everything.

Another Not So Good Thing About My Job

Someone used the word "impactful" twice in a conversation with me. I may have visibly flinched the first time.

UPDATED: People use the word "prework" a lot. It means, I think, reading in preparation for a meeting. It's irritating.

Sad

I actually put on a To Do list today: "Integrate To Do lists".

A Not So Great Thing About the Job

The insane proliferation of acronyms.

One department actually proposed changing the name of something so that its acronym would be OPP. I literally burst out laughing. I had to explain the other group participants that that acronym was NOT okay unless you wanted everyone between the ages of 29 and 40 to fall off their chairs giggling every time the program was mentioneed.

Another Great Thing About This Job

The bus ride from L's preschool to work this morning took 11 minutes. Yes, ELEVEN.

Best Things About My New Job, So Far

I started my new job today, and since I don't have any actual work yet, I thought I would let you know about some of the awesome features that I have discovered here at HQ. Most of them are facets of the building itself, which was built in the 196os for Blue Cross.

First of all, the mailroom and kitchen are together in one room. The "mailroom" is actually a vertical conveyer. You put your mail in a basket and put it on a tray in the wall, push a button and it is gently guided onto the conveyer. The default is for all mail to travel down to the basement but you can select other floors. When mail comes to our floor, it appears in a separate window, having been lifted from the conveyer by an invisible arm, and then is given a gentle shove so that it slides down an inclined metal table. Beautiful. I can't wait to use it. Because the building has only ever been used by sole tenants/occupants, they've kept this system operational. As close to a pneumatic tube system I suspect I will ever see.

Next: the stalls in the women's bathroom are a beautifully bright shade of orange. Just a really drenched color. And the bathroom is literally just around the corner from my office, so its nothing to just pop in there whenever I went. But since its around a corner, I don't have to see other people coming and going.

Next: there's a white porcelain water fountain (or "bubbler") about 20 steps from my office. It works. I doubt anyone uses it though because its down a hallway where no one seems to walk (IT is bend the wall across from it, so its all closed up). I can use that hallway to go to the elevators without anyone seeing me.

Finally, the cafeteria here is insanely cheap. Hamburger and fries: $2.95. Executive's Brunch (2 eggs, bacon or sausage, home fries, fruit, coffee): $3.75. One egg, cooked: 80 cents. Come over any time and I will take you to lunch.

And it's only 1:35!

Only In the East Bay, Part 2

I don't know how I neglected to post THIS one, too. That's right, Shuuuuuuunnnnn The Nonbeliever!!

St. Scobie

Here's the link to my original explanation of the title of the blog. Joshua Scobie also had a prosthetic nose. Scobie was also the name of our cat for a very long time. Hope that helps, Allison.

Only In the East Bay, Baby

Happy Day, Ladies and the men who love us.

Just because

I haven't mentioned lately how much I love Michelle Obama. That dress is so awesome. 

St. Scobie's Mock Brackets III (or is it IV?)

The NCAA College Basketball Championship is rearing its ugly, exploitative head again. That means its time to derive some meaningless entertainment from faux gambling on the athletic exploits of young men we don't know. That's right, St. Scobie's Mock Brackets is back for the third, or possibly fourth, time. I can't remember which. Prior year's contestants have already gotten your invitations; if you want in, shoot me an email or leave me a comment. Picks don't start until March 15. I will remind you before then, but I will be out of town next weekend, so now's the time to get started.

And because I am too lazy to start a new post about this: My job. You have ten seconds to follow these directions and then this computer will self-destruct. Sadly, not that exciting. I got a job as the Northern California coordinator for a national coalition of unions who represent workers at Kaiser Permanente. A little too complicated to explain, without being interesting enough to stick with me for the explanation. I am excited about it, though. 

Okay, let's play ball!

And In Other News

I got a job. It's hard to tell at this point whether this means I will blog more or less frequently. I am super happy and relieved to have a job, both for economic reasons and for staying-home-is-boring reasons. And I think my job will be interesting and challenging without being insanely difficult or out of my league or anything. 

I updated Fungus Everything. Carl has a recipe for Tortilla Dulce at gringosenica. I am going to try to make it in the next day or two. I will let you know how it goes.

Anyway, just updating you then. Carry on.

Let It Snow

We headed up to Tahoe this weekend with friends of ours. There was snow. This is of little consequence to me because I don't ski but the rest of the family was very happy about it. Q and I made a snowman and a snowbaby. I show them here with Q and our friend's son for perspective.