Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Venture Near

Sometimes B will call on his way home from work and say, "How are the kids?" and I will say either, "They are great," or "The monkeys are flinging their poo." That makes the kids laugh hysterically and Q will say "poo" over and over again.

But I'm kidding when I say that. My children know better than to use their feces as a projectile. And - we've worked on this - biting isn't allowed either. But its uh-mazing the number of Trustafarian parents who don't teach their children these lessons. So then you have these problems:

BERKELEY — After tree sitters hurled buckets of human excrement at arborists who cut traverse lines and removed wooden platforms Tuesday, the raucous day came to a head when a tree sitter bit an arborist so hard he was sent to the hospital with an arm wound.

The biter goes by the name Millipede. This is unusual. According to experts at Texas A&M:

Millipedes do not bite; but when disturbed they can produce an irritating fluid (using repugnatorial glands opening at the base of the legs). This fluid can irritate eyes, blister the skin, produce an unpleasant odor and cause allergic reactions in venom sensitive people. Some species can squirt their fluids several inches.

That sounds about right. Enjoy lock-up, Millipede.