Eye Boggling

Despite all the "outrageous" colors in this picture, I thought it would be easier to endure than the one in the last post. All the grammas were clamoring for some shots of the Q, so I hope this satisfies.

Do Not Try This At Home

Rangelife suggests the following game: plunk any random letters into Google Image search, and wacky hi-jinx ensue. Beware, however, as mkjd yields this:

Overheard

"I try to make all my Powerpoints tongue-in-cheek."

Woman eating in Boudin's in Macy's at Union Square, 12:43pm, Jan. 29, 2007

Classic

I know the window for blogging about this closed long ago, like before the house was built, but Alanis Morrisette's Ironic, is due for a better-late-than-never ass-chewing. I also don't think I ever even listened to it all the way through before this morning in the car. But not one single metaphor in the whole song is ironic. Is that the ironic part? I'm amazed that this song is as galling today as it was 15 years ago, or whenever it came out. God forbid Alanis and Live Aid ever collaborate, is all I can say.

Two Examples of Twue Love

Stalled as I occasionally become for blog topics, I asked my dear husband to find something for me to blog about. He did. While I believe his courage and sacrifice in this task were great, they fall slightly behind the ass-kicking that Nell Hamm gave that mountain lion to save her husband. I am sure that Brook would do the same, if a mountain lion comes to Thomas Avenue.*

*Between this story and the story about James Kim, there is pretty much no chance I am traveling north of Sausalito ever again.

Hidden Gems of Print Advertising

For the first time in six years of living in Oakland, I opened the Wednesday mail circular called PennySaver. I never knew what a treasure I was throwing away every week. Here are a few of the things on offer:

2 Pigeons - $14/both

Collectors Plate – “Baby Raccoon” excellent condition $18

Collectors Plate – “Koala” excellent condition Hamilton collection $18

Cemetary/Funeral: Double Niche – Indoors, Chapel of the Chimes, Hayward, priced for quick sale. $7500 obo.

Health Care: Awesome Deal – Large Adult Undergarments, Liners, Pads, Diapers. $30/all

That’s a lot of good value for $7,566.

Admittedly, I don’t have a lot going on right now, so my judgment may be skewed a bit.

By the way, Undercover Black Man has the second half of his David Simon interview up.

Please Don't

The second story in SF Chronicle's Matier & Ross column today concerns the fact that downtown SF parking meters bring in, on average, less than an hour's worth of time each day. Got that?

Believe it or not, the average collection last year for a meter in San Francisco's parking-packed downtown was only $2.61 a day, according to a new report from the city's budget analyst. And that's for meters that charge $3 an hour.
In other words, on an average 9-hour business day, the city wound up collecting less than an hour's worth of coins per meter in the downtown last year.

Okay, so that isn't the biggest scandal to rock aught-seven. But here's what I am getting to:

"Heck, if we got it up to a 50 percent collection rate, we could offer free massages on the buses,'' (Supervisor Jake) McGoldrick said.

Yuck. Please. Don't. Go. There.

You Go Girl!

The other day, a friend with certain political involvements sent me an email that had the title "Why I Am Supporting Hillary Clinton for President in 2008". This email included my friend's personal thoughts on Clinton, and attached an email from a former White House staffer (high-ranking) that had the same subject and gave several reasons for this support. The final reason is "Fourth - and most personally - I like her". The writer, a woman, says:

Like so many of you who have supported me throughout my life or periods of it, she worries about me, about my family, tells me I'm working too hard, has me over to dinner, calls me just to check in, and enjoys some of the things I enjoy – from reading a great book to shopping for a great bag (like me she has a weakness for a good bag). We talk about our families and friends (okay, I'll say it – gossip about who's with whom and how's that possible among the folks we know). In short she is real. She is the girlfriend you want in your corner because she tells you when you were wrong, nd still loves you despite your frailties; she also relentlessly champions your successes like only your mother usually can do. She lights up a room with her laughter, she is incredibly warm and engaging – something some people only experience when they meet her personally (and then it's always enjoyable to listen to them say how different she is than from what they imagined or had read in the newspaper – that she really is warm and genuine and embracing).

I'm going to cut to the chase here and say it: This annoys the shit out of me. If Hillary wins the primary, or Obama implodes or Edwards explodes before then, then I am all for Hillary. Woo-hoo, Hillary. 'Til then, I am not looking for a new best girlfriend or even a new man to swoon over. I want a leader, not someone who can win just by calling in years of favors or by making promises of bipartisanship or local corn subsidies. I think Hillary is a great senator. She seems to be doing a good job, working on hard issues, understanding the nightmarish procedural mechanics of our second-least democratic institution. But she doesn't motivate me. And saying she'll be a great Girlfriend-in-Chief doesn't do anything for me. Oprah already has a strangehold on that position. I want a great President.

And who is going to buy this marketing pitch? I just don't want to be so cynical as to think that women are going to support Hillary just because she likes a good bag and cried during Steel Magnolias. Maybe I need to be that cynical. Maybe those women will go for Hillary because they can't decide if Edwards is cuter than Obama or vice versa, and know Hillary would totally understand how hard it is to choose between two cute guys.

Or is this the first pitch of Soft Hillary? Now that its okay to be anti-war, she can put on those beat-up slippers and sip General Foods International Coffee Viennese Chocolate Cafe' and talk about the spat between Rosie and The Donald like she doesn't have a care in the world.

I was even ready to not blame Hillary for this email. But the fact is, "her people" know it went out and the author is no doubt inner-inner circle. I can't blame them for trying, I just wish that it didn't pander so mercilessly to the idea of What Women Want. And I am very scared that this is indeed What Women Want.

Ignore This Post

This is for the two or three of you fellow Wire fans. The rest of you should check in later for a rant on a different topic.

First of all, David Mills has this interview with David Simon on his blog Undercover Black Man. I haven't read it yet but I will update after I read it.

Second, I've started watching season 1 again.

Third, here's my list of the five most annoying characters on the show.

1. Orlando
2. Ziggy Sobotka
3. Mrs. (Jenny?) Carcetti
4. The Johns Hopkins Professor, tied with the School District lady who hates on the season 4 corner kid project.
5. Officer Walker

I will now waste my whole day revisiting this list.

Not Inexplicable Enough

There is lipstick on the cold water spigot on the water cooler in my office. The thing is low enough to the ground that you’d actually have to lie on your back to drink that way, but to each her, and let’s hope it’s a her, own.

Ok, I Can't Not Comment

The whole thing about Yale having 15 a capella groups suggests they might be sliipping in the World Domination department. And no, I'm not one of those University of Chicago people who didn't get into Yale.

Aside: I just saw a van with "Maui Mike's Lip Balm" painted on the side. What niche does this company fill? Isn't there lip balm brand saturation at this point?

Years of Good PR Work Undone By A Single Leprechaun

Every since I moved to Alabama in August 2003, I have tried to be an ambassador for the state, particularly since moving back to California a year later. I tell everyone: "The people are so nice, and the food was SO good, and I really loved it there, except for the fart smell from the paper factories. They do have Democrats, and liberals, too, if only people would get to know them!" How often have I said that? A hundred times? A thousand?

Now all my hard work is undone by a single leprechaun.



Damn you, Leprechaun of Mobile, damn you. Or is that you don't want to share the beautiful Heart of Dixie, so you bring shame to its residents?

Aren't We All Guilty? Part Deux

I reprint from the SF Chronicle, without comment:

As Yale University students went back to school Tuesday after winter break, the usual conversations were overshadowed by reaction to an extraordinary event that happened 3,000 miles away: the beating in San Francisco of members of the Baker's Dozen, the school's renowned all-male a cappella singing group.
"People are shocked," said Wookie Kim, 20, a sophomore, outside the Yale Bookstore, where portraits of the university's famous alumnae look out over the floor. "I couldn't believe that anyone could do that to a Yale student."
…
[M]any Yale students said the beating was more than an act of violence against a student singing group. It was an assault on an essential element of the campus culture of this Ivy League school, whose 15 a cappella groups are often likened to Greek societies on other college campuses.

The Making of a Ski Champ - Year One

Clearly, we need to regard as a victory getting Li into skis at all this year. And getting a smile, weird as that smile may be, as well.

He got on the skis on actual snow once. It was hellacute. Winter 2008 is the Year the Champ Ventures Forth, especially now that he knows ski school kids get lollipops.

Aren't We All Guilty?

The story of the Baker's Dozen beatdown is so obviously bloggable, I didn't bother. You could write it yourself. Specifically, Mr. Scobie could write it himself. I even offered to let him guestblog the damn story. But no. Instead, I have succumbed to intense lobbying to speak about this issue.

First, a recap. A second-string Yale a capella group got jumped by a group of "sons of prominent San Franciscans" after singing the national anthem at a party in SF. The word "homo" may have been used. Pretty girls may have been flirted with. What's not in dispute is that one guy got his jaw broke, and no assailants were identified to the SF police, and thus, no arrests were made.

Now the "Yale network" are beating the drum against the SFPD for failing to make any arrests. They claim that the assailants are too powerful and important in SF to be arrested. These are ELIS claiming that they are the powerless underdog here. Maybe they feel that way because they are in Baker's Dozen and not Whiffenpoofs. Maybe that makes them oppressed - I'm not sure. Anyway, Gavin Newsom and Heather Fong are scurrying like chipmunks to seem on top of the situation, even though it seems the Baker's Dozens guys couldn't ID their assailants. But its just the old "All St. Ignatius/Sacred Heart graduates look the same to me, officer" problem.

In our heart of hearts, we all know one thing: "It could have been me." And in this case, "It" is "I could have yelled derogatory comments and thrown a punch at an a capella rendition of the Ol' Stars and Bars after downing a few Pelositinis and groping the girl from my high school trig class who then flirted with a dude in a bowtie who THEN GOT UP TO SING WITH NO GUITAR." And by "me", I mean, "you and me and all of us."

God Spam

This is not my new band name or anything. It's a new trend that I've noticed. A lot of the spam I get is Christian or religious or something. I got one today, subject heading: "Have you been saved?" Often they are just rambling End Times garble. I don't open them so I don't know if they are actually religious or whether they are supposed to appeal to my inner-sinner-in-need-of-redemption/conspiracy theorist, and then when I open them, its just another V1a6ra pitch.

I (heart) Art!

I just want to pimp my girl's show over here:

Kate has this piece (now I've gone and ruined it for you) in the Obscene Soft Sounds show at Wallspace Gallery, 619 W. 27th Street, NYNY.

It opens Saturday, I think. Go. Act like you want to buy it, and then scoff that it isn't priced high enough. Promise to come back later with more money. If there's a little sign that says, "Sold," ask: "Are there more? This is lovely. Who is this ingenue?"

OR, act like you cannot believe that the reclusive Kate Costello has finally agreed to put another piece on the market. Compare her loudly to Salinger. Say, "Well, it certainly was worth the wait!"

Fres-Yes! Correction

It has been graciously pointed out to me that the correct term is Tule fog, not Tulare fog. This helps explain why I had the nagging feeling that the fog had something to do with elk. I had attributed the association to the road weariness but it turns out, I'm not crazy. Thanks, Dee-Dub.

A Very Dangerous Innovation

I have figured out how to post to my blog via email. This is probably going to result in many random, no-so-funny postings sent from my blackberry. Lucky you. It’s a good thing for me (and probably you too) that I don’t drink heavily, so there won’t be too many/any drunk-blogging episodes.

 

I don’t have much to say today; I just wanted to bring you current on my technological righteousness, or whatever this is.

Emporium of Prosthetic Noses

Do you think Nancy Pelosi and Courtney Love meant to get the same nose? Was it on sale?

Courtney Love is such a mess here, with her face sliding all over the place, that it may be hard for you to see that the tip of her nose is notched in the same exact way as Cryptkeeper-I-mean-Speaker Pelosi's. Just trust me.

If we can put a rover on Mars, and create babies in a test tube, how come we cannot invent a realistic-looking fake nose? This shows there's a market out there for them.