Come Fly With Me

I've decided to have a go at tumblr which seems to be a more manageable blogging platform. I know you don't give a shit, but trust me on this one. elscob.tumblr.com

I might come back here, I might not.

By the way

I am also fully hating this new template, and it seems like all the Blogger templates are clunky and load slowly and generally don't let you choose a normal font or something. Any ideas?

April Fools Resolution

I know you've been dying to ask which of the New Year's resolutions I shared was April Fools fakery (poisson d'Avril! I shout). In truth, every single one of them was a resolution that I recorded on New Year's day, from Harry Nillson to Denim Panties, Inc. Recall too that I resolved to drink less in 2012, and you may understand why. After what amounted to an almost full day of drinking that ends with a resolution about denim panties made with a guy named Mario, you can understand why I might total my tee, so to speak.

As for April Fools, I did perpetuate one effective trick (poisson d'Avril!). I emailed B the following (Subject: Don't Get Mad):

So we went to the farmer's market this morning, and the Milo Foundation was there, and there were these super-cute cats, and the kids really wanted one, so we adopted a cat. I know you will be pissed but this is a super-cute cat. We are still discussing a names. Names proposed include Pat, Tory, Destu and Strug.

 Probably because he was at the tail end of a 48-hour bachelor party, he completely bought this. When he called to talk about it, I shouted, "Don't carry the cat around like that!" but I accidentally muted the phone with my jaw (a strangely common problem I have) and then lost steam on the joke. I don't think I've ever successfully tricked someone on April 1, and unless he's as sensorily-compromised next year, I doubt it will happen again. 

One of Those Days

Do you ever have one of those days where you are like Why do I suddenly have too much tupperware? And then you are like Why do I care? Why am calibrating par levels of tupperware? and then your solace from this soul-sucking line of inquiry is to mock a neighbor's email request for coupons to a local arts and crafts store?

I can tell that this day has the possibility of being a long one of those days, since it's only 8:35 am and there is an unholy storm raging outside.

2012 New Year's Resolutions Redux, aka The April Fools Edition

I finally worked up the nerve to look at my New Year's resolution list, made on New Years Day, in mid- February and I thought it was worth posting. See if you can spot the fake resolution.

1. Less TV for kids
2. meatless Monday
3. running coach (?)
4. singing lessons
5. write a song? Call it "Sans Netsuki"
6. New music?
7. Date night?
8. Videogames only as reward
9. Chores for kids
10. See Joan Rivers movie
11. Floss more
12. Harry Nillson documentary
13. see Mitch Hedberg stand-up video (RIP)
14. Thank Mario
15. Watch more stand-up
16. Lose the baby fat
17. Get that fuckin' Jeep out of here
18. Get linen panties
19. Start a denim panties business
20. Learn bird calls
21. Get more babysitters
22. Get a public access TV show

Fake resolution will be posted on April 1. Come back then!

Another awesome thing

To make it up to you for botching the stormtrooper picture in yesterday's post, I thought I would share this with you. It's a "diaper cake" that a pregnant colleague received as a baby gift. Those white things are newborn diapers rolled one by one. Isn't it awesome? 

A Grab Bag

I have an accumulation of stuff I want to share, so I guess that warrants a blog post.

Ahhhh, chuckley-chuckle.

And I love this, possibly more than the original:

Her Material Girl cover is pretty boss, too.

What else I got for you? Read this NY Times article One Schlep Forward. It resonated.

Is the Wierd Coming Back?

When I first moved to the Bay Area in 2000, there were a lot of wierd people here. There were more art cars, for example. How Berkeley Can You Be? was at its height. Remember the guy in the pink leotard? Where did he go? And the crime in particular was really weird. You want some examples? How about:

1. The Sausage Factory owner who killed 3 food inspectors. My memory may have an over-active imagination, but I recalled that he processed their bodies as well.

2. The Family in Marin County. You will be not so thrilled to hear that Winnfred Wright has been paroled. (How f-ed is it that child abuse is a non-violent offense?)

3. The human trafficking/death of an Indian girl, discovered by a Berkeley High student reporter. And guess what? Lakireddy Reddy has been paroled too.

4. The vaccuum salesman killer. This may be my over-active imagination again, but I recall that in 2000 or 2001, someone was either posing as a vacuum salesman or killed a salesperson at their door.

5. The Lesbian Killing Dog F***ers. To recap: two SF lawyers bought Presa Canarios dogs from an Aryan/White Brotherhood dude in Pelican Bay and then also adopted that dude and staged elaborate sexual tableaux involving themselves, the Aryan, the dogs and various medieval costumes/weapons. The dogs then mauled and basically tried to eat a neighbor, who happened to be a lesbian who lived in their building. Got all that? I won't bother you with the self-representation fiasco. Search the blog and I'm sure I've written on this topic before.

Where are they now? Marjorie Knoller is still in prison, but Robert Noel served his time fro involuntary manslaughter and is somewhere in the East Bay, baking our morning bread. Their "son's" cellmate just settled a dispute over whether he can publish a book about his role in breeding the dogs (among other insights).

And that doesn't even include Scott Peterson or the wackos who kidnapped Jaycee Dugard.

My view is that things have gotten less wierd around here, but I'm wondering if we won't see any uptick soon in the wierd. It's only a matter of time before the mountain-unicyclist is out there in a pink leotard, I'd wager.

Photo Dump 2

This is totally unrelated to the post below. We recently visited Salt Lake City, and the new Museum of Natural History - Rio Tinto Center, and it was totally awesome. A must-see if you are in SLC, and worth planning a trip if you are a dinosaur nerd. My pictures can't do justice to the exterior of the building. Visit the website to see that. My photos below are of the wall of ceratops, an allosaurus re-enactment, and the view from one window.

Photo Dump

This is a post (or series of posts) for the two of you that refuse to join Facebook. I dumped close to 200 pictures from our camera and phone tonight, so I thought I would share a few gems.

What's this, you wonder? Why, it's a mountain-biking unicyclist. He and his buddy (also on a unicycle) were hurtling down a pretty steep hill in Joaquin Miller Park a few weeks ago. Some of my hiking companions stopped to chat with them at the bottom of the hill, but I was too inherently judgmental of their fake sport to get the scoop. I was also soon riveted by an insane colony of lady bugs, all mating wildly and acting pretty unladylike, if you know what I mean.

My older son (the dour We Demand-er in front) protesting in honor of MLK Jr. Day at his school.

I can't take credit for this. Don't even know where I got it. But if you aren't on Facebook, you probably haven't seen it. 

Totally Random

Regarding the State of the Union address: I only have one novel thing to say about it. Much was made by liberal tweeters and bloggers that this was the most hawkish peacetime SOTU address they'd ever heard, or that they couldn't believe that civil institutions were being called on to act like the military. They either feared the civil liberties implications of that, or thought it diminished what the military is fighting for. That is, the military is disciplined so that we can have an unruly civil democracy. Those were the critiques of his frequent military references.

 I actually think Obama was trying to make a subtler point, which is that Congress and its members chose to serve their country - were elected to do so - and yet exhibit very little of the organization and sacrifice that our soldiers show. I think he was contrasting Congress with the military as being do-nothing, even unpatriotic, in their resistance to any bi-partisan compromise. Or maybe that is just what I'm reading out of it because that is what I think.

On a totally different topic, here's my best maternal wisdom from today, "If there isn't vomiting and diahrea at the same time, I don't think you can call it the worst day ever." In fact, we had neither. Just an over-dramatic 8 year old and his over-dramatic mother.

What else can I tell you about? That KeN album I mentioned in the prior post? Meh. It sounds like a late Tsunami album baked too long. But it's definitely about having kids. I will probably enjoy it on shuffle. I wish Carrie Brownstein had kids and loved something over than Rock And Roll, because the Wild Flag album completely kicks ass. It just doesn't make me feel cool. It makes me feel like she's cool. In re: Florence and the Machine. My cousin said, "No men like Florence and the Machine." Which is true but a little wierd because it sounds like if Queen were women. (In my head, men like Queen. Not sure why I think that). I don't like it as much as Wild Flag.

Oh, and I watched some Mitch Hedberg on YouTube. Funny. Not like make-me-wet-my-pants funny, but more Steven Wright-chuckles. So Thanks, Mario, wherever you are.

Riot Moms, part 2

Out of curiosity, I am trying to track down music by rocker moms - women who were making music when I was in high school and college. I started at the beginning (of my musical interests) and looked for Jenny Toomey and Kristen Thomson of Tsunami. Toomey works for the Ford Foundation, after founding the Future of Music Coalition with Thomson. She doesn't seem to make music anymore, at least that she publishes.

Thomson lives near Philly, and has a going concern called KeN. First rocker mom discovered (I snooped on Facebook; she definitely has a kid or 2)! I downloaded their 2006 album. I will let you know if it's any good.

Any suggestions for lady rockers I should similarly snoop on?

New Year's Resolutions 2012

It used to be something of a ritual around here that I would review my old New Year's resolutions and then write some new ones. I never got around to it last year, but one resolution was to find a new job, and I did that, so I feel like it was an accomplished year.

It's hard to know where to go with resolutions this year. I don't want to rest on my laurels, but I've come to like a lot of things about myself, and I don't really like sacrifice all that much. On New Year's Day -- well, actually later that same night -- I made an insane list that has items like

26. Watch some Mitch Hedberg stand-up

27. Thank Mario

I'm actually so mortified about what else I may have put on that list that I am afraid to go back and look at it. And it suggested a modest but obvious resolution of

1. Drink a bit less.

Which hasn't been all that taxing so far.

One friend we saw this weekend held the view that effective resolutions had to meet certain criteria. First of all, they need to be specific. He's right; "I will lose 5 pounds by exercising 3 times a week and eating 100 fewer calories a day" is more effective than, "Lose some weight." But it's also a little boring to make goals like that.

Another criteria, they should not be boring. He said that after he'd challenged himself to do a 100 mile bike ride, and then did it again, that really crazy resolutions do not exist. Many people can do most things (putting aside major barriers). The only stuff left is Jackass-type stuff. But if you set goals that make you less boring than you end up a better or at least more interesting person at the end of the year. He was considering trying out guitar (he's already a pianist, so not a stretch) or writing a book about a really weird case he worked on. In that vein, I am thinking about taking singing lessons. Actually I think I will resolve to:

2. Take a singing lesson

I think I have maxed out my resolution making abilities for the night. What did you resolve to do in 2012?